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Grand Theft Radar: Hooker Beauty Contest


Hometown: Los Santos

Favorite quote: "You'd think they'd shower first..."

Stephen's critique: Now we're getting somewhere. With a Sound of Music meets leather dungeon look, this Fraulein will get anyone yodeling for more. Want to add a lonely goat? That'll be extra.


Hometown: Liberty City

Favorite quote: "I got an itch."

Stephen's critique: Yowzer! The top down view is an astonishment of riches. The burgundy blazer sits open, astride a running buffet of funbags, accessorized with neon tit-stirrups. Strong. Panning back, however, the picture self-injects an overdose of grim. Those thighs would crush most guys' ardor at thirty paces.


Hometown: San Fierro

Favorite quote: "I need to get a real job..."

Stephen's critique: Stealing both her flat-fro and sneery "don't come any closer" grimace from Grace Jones circa Nightclubbing, this freak-show is one of our favorites. With her underwear as outerwear stylistic philosophy and superhero boots, this madam could traverse cultural boundaries with ease. She'd be equally at home bouncing her ass on the street as she would be on a date in a mid-price, French/American cafe, sharing a grilled spicy Merguez sausage baguette with Dijon mayonnaise, while using the candle on the table to heat up her pipe.


Hometown: Vice City

Favorite quote: "One for the money. Two for the snow."

Stephen's critique: High-class all the way. Is this one even a hooker? With the pearls and that zebra stripe evening dress, she looks kinda nice. Of course, she's always scratching. And her fingers are all yellow. And she never eats. And she's strung out on PCP. But nice all the same.

Who's your favorite lady of the night? Who got robbed? Why did we even write such a ridiculous article?! Let your voice be heard in our forums.

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Apr 23, 2008

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3 comments

  • 2RFL7 - October 25, 2009 10:11 p.m.

    Rockstar really makes some realistic ladies of the night!
  • Chiropteran - November 29, 2008 5:40 p.m.

    Just a thought. Maybe these, um, ladies are supposed to be ugly. I mean, what little I know of real hookers from newspapers and, interestingly, museum displays of photographs, shows most of them to look no better than, and some rather worse that those portrayed here. Is Rockstar making them unappealing for a reason? Like, don't play here?
  • scbyfn4evr - April 28, 2009 4:31 p.m.

    Ahuh. Newspapers. What little I know of hookers came from newspapers too. As did my chlamydia. ....newspapers.

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