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Grand Theft Radar: Hooker Beauty Contest

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Hometown: Liberty City

Favorite quote: "That's a taste of corn on the cob."

Stephen's critique: Again, we witness the sartorial pairing of a smart blazer and a gigantic set of tits. This time, the sports bra is binned in favor of a lacy sex-chassis, teamed with the controversial externalization of the suspender belt. Great as an evening look. Less appropriate for lunch with the in-laws.


Hometown: Las Venturas

Favorite quote: "Hey, I bruise easily."

Stephen's critique: Big in the specialist market. A 10 o'clock shadowed she-he, all parceled up in the requisite rubber jug-harness, PVC shorts and US Army bovver boots. Apparently she does amazing things with a Gillette Fusion.


Hometown: Vice City

Favorite quote: "So many men. Such little time."

Stephen's critique: Riffing off the pseudo "realness" so tiresomely fed to impressionable kids by warblers like Pink and Fergie, this bottom-faced fugly looks all sorts of wrong. Check the weird, clashy checkerboard top and hazard stripe gauntlets, all topped off with your mum's hairstyle. Wouldn't, as they say, with yours.

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3 comments

  • 2RFL7 - October 25, 2009 10:11 p.m.

    Rockstar really makes some realistic ladies of the night!
  • Chiropteran - November 29, 2008 5:40 p.m.

    Just a thought. Maybe these, um, ladies are supposed to be ugly. I mean, what little I know of real hookers from newspapers and, interestingly, museum displays of photographs, shows most of them to look no better than, and some rather worse that those portrayed here. Is Rockstar making them unappealing for a reason? Like, don't play here?
  • scbyfn4evr - April 28, 2009 4:31 p.m.

    Ahuh. Newspapers. What little I know of hookers came from newspapers too. As did my chlamydia. ....newspapers.

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