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Grand Theft Radar: Hooker Beauty Contest


Hometown: Los Santos

Favorite quote: "Respect my stroll!"

Stephen's critique: Quite alluring, were it not for the fact that she's got a dude's head. Stringy peach bikinus ­ check! Leather demi-briefs ­ check! Darth Vader attack boots ­ check! Disturbing he-she fizog ­ ahhhkk!


Hometown: Las Venturas

Favorite quote: "Ooh, I love me some chronic."

Stephen's critique: Suitable for group play, or one very hungry individual, this big-bucket of strumpet is family sized. She's managed to shoehorn her appendages into a plastic hoist of some description, while her ponderous booty plays tug-of-war with a wisp of a skirt. Gather 'round, there's plenty for everyone.


Hometown: Vice City

Favorite quote: "No money, no funny bunny, honey."

Stephen's critique: A minimal, '80s take on prostitutional couture. With a nod to Robert Palmer's "Addicted To Love," this ghetto girl's stripped it right back to the essentials. With a barely-there bra and a whisper of a skirt, only the addition of motorbike bootery saves the look from being simply too rude. She appears a bit old in the close-up, but that can be overlooked.


Hometown: Los Santos

Favorite quote: "My pimp really loves me."

Stephen's critique: With a gob like a scythe wound and a hairstyle like a broken vase, the only thing we'd call this call-girl is bastard-nasty. If, however, you get off on the niche "Joker as a chick" market, you might appreciate the sidesaddle, Scottish dishcloth skirt and the "I'm a little teapot" posture.

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  • 2RFL7 - October 25, 2009 10:11 p.m.

    Rockstar really makes some realistic ladies of the night!
  • Chiropteran - November 29, 2008 5:40 p.m.

    Just a thought. Maybe these, um, ladies are supposed to be ugly. I mean, what little I know of real hookers from newspapers and, interestingly, museum displays of photographs, shows most of them to look no better than, and some rather worse that those portrayed here. Is Rockstar making them unappealing for a reason? Like, don't play here?
  • scbyfn4evr - April 28, 2009 4:31 p.m.

    Ahuh. Newspapers. What little I know of hookers came from newspapers too. As did my chlamydia. ....newspapers.