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Grand Theft Radar: 8 new crimes that'll be blamed on GTA IV


Above: If you're not going to hurt someone, the least you can do is make them uncomfortable

While previous GTA protagonists would usually just slide past people they ran into on the street, IV takes a more realistic approach, with the bystander getting shoved roughly aside or reacting angrily to Niko suddenly getting in his or her face. If Niko gets too close to someone while walking past slowly, however, he'll put his hands up and gently push past them, which sometimes leaves them confused and upset. And for good reason, too - if you did this to someone in real life and they somehow felt threatened, that's probable (if unlikely) cause for assault charges. Kids, remember what your parents taught you: never paw at strangers.


Above: We didn't have an image of an actual stabbing, either, but at least this guy's getting cut by something

OK, this isn't a "new" crime to be blamed on GTA, but stabbing someone if GTA IV feels a lot different than it's felt in previous games. Knives were never the most efficient way to kill anyone, but now they're inefficient and gruesome. Much like in real life, people don't die instantly from a few stabs; instead, a knife fight means a prolonged series of nasty-sounding slashes and jabs until your opponent (or victim) bleeds out. It's weirdly like the sauna scene from the film Eastern Promises, only without Viggo Mortensen's dong in the frame.

Of course - in the minds of certain people - the more shocking and horrific something looks, the more it's being glorified. And with concealed knives apparently being a high-profile concern in Great Britain, we figure it's only a matter of time before the UK's alarmist tabloid press gloms its fat mouth around this one.

Apr 4, 2008

5 comments

  • VirAetas - May 3, 2010 3:44 p.m.

    Ahh the media and it's undying affection for GTA and it's "Rape prostitutes with your car that has a bazooka spoiler for easy pedestrian murderizing" stance. Late to the party, I know, but this is a fine article. ps let it be known audio captchas are not only creepy sounding, but impossible. "'hrrvghasdf' type that you haxxor!"
  • cracker33 - November 17, 2009 6 p.m.

    I love how every sample article involves prostitutes dying. It's just like watching the news.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - November 2, 2008 3:07 p.m.

    amen to that. i read something similar in my local newspaper a while ago, actually. remember the latest harry potter film? neither do i, really, but this woman took her 4 year old kid to see this then blamed the film for giving her son pyromaniac tendancies, like burning his bedroom with her fag lighter (that she conveniently left on his bedside table) anyway, long story short, the film got nearly a months worth of stick because of this stupid woman not understanding what an age restriction is for.
  • QuickSticks45 - August 30, 2008 2:22 p.m.

    Damn Jornalest, they need to stop talking about and making a big deel about a video game, thats just it its a video game its not the games fult its the goddamn parents how buy the games for there children how don't under stand that there is a dif. between reality and fiction.
  • PittsburghPirates - December 18, 2008 7:17 p.m.

    GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!! Stop blaming the damn videogame for you doing something messed up!

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