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Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour


The Sexual Politics Of The Mushroom Kingdom

Who's sleeping with who, why Peach is a slut, and why Mario really needs better self-esteem.

Bowser

As for the big guy, he's just loving this. And from a big evil bastard's perspective, why shouldn't he? His original plan to kidnap Peach twenty-three years ago has turned into the gift that keeps on giving. He just wanted control over the kingdom, but what he ended up with turned out to be far more satisfying.

He might not be sitting on a throne overtly ruling with an iron fist, but he's got absolute power in a way far more appealing to a vindictive lizardy git like himself. He's got Peach coming running to him like the secretly needy primadonna cheerleader runs to her gruff jock boyfriend for all kinds dubious 'approval'. A staged kidnapping attempt every couple of years allows him to secretly keep his dirty, claw-tipped fingers in all manner of pies without alerting suspicion, despite his bizarrely turning up at every kart race and party and acting like an old buddy. (What, you think after all that practice his schemes would still be legitimately failing two decades later? And you never wondered about the lack of animosity?) And most satisfying of all, he gets to see the perpetually cock-blocked plumber come blindly charging in to 'save' Peach, and gets to watch him walk away actually thinking he's won. Every. Single. Time

Oh how Bowser laughs after the end credits roll, and it's all thanks to Stockholm Syndrome. What a delightful little psychological disorder it is.


 
26 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
MW3M  - 10 months 9 days ago 
This is the greatest article you have ever made. Hands down.
Coolbeans69  - 10 months 9 days ago 
this was pretty great
cell289  - 10 months 5 days ago 
9 pages the sexual relations over certain 1979 pixel art makes me question my role in the clock tower of life.
Corsair89  - 9 months 20 days ago 
I gotta say, this article is fantastic. Hands down one of the cleverest, thorough, and well-written articles I've even seen on this site, which is saying a lot. Very, very good job.

In Peach's defense, she did get off her ass in Super Princess Peach to save Mario when he got kidnapped. She also helped Mario and was a playable character for most of the adventure in Super Paper Mario.
Stryde22  - 9 months 20 days ago 
now THIS is the kind of article i like to read. XD. the psychological analysis of fictional characters can be WAY too entertaining
Wordup95  - 9 months 20 days ago 
... funny, :D
EatShorts8  - 8 months 20 days ago 
the Bowser Jr one really gets u thinking
adrenaguy  - 8 months 17 days ago 
you know, eatshorts8, that's a little disturbing O_O
AA95mp  - 8 months 16 days ago 
do you think toads could be drugs they are magic mushrooms.
reroxas  - 7 months 13 days ago 
Ya know I always kinda understood the Mario story. That's why I don't really play Mario anymore why because Mario f**ked everyone over for Peach,Peach is a slut, Bowser is what this article said and Luigi Yoshi and everybody else is getting f**ked over because of this. And Luigi is better.
fallout3mutielover  - 7 months 10 days ago 
haha stupid peach and her hoish life
Da-Ku  - 6 months 26 days ago 
This is pure awesomeness, i understand it more than i did at its first publishing xD
We need more like this
Shift  - 6 months 12 days ago 
Personally, I think that this is gr's best article.

Hands down.

I'll never EVER look at Mario or Peach or any of them the same way again. Especially Bowser Jr. O_O
Evernight  - 4 months 20 days ago 
You forgot to mention Yoshi having to save Mario's child (where ever that is from) twice - taking care of the child like the nice uncle would when a absentee father goes gallivanting off after some trim.

Yoshi is a saint for that - but like you said he no doubt got sick of the BS and left him. Friends will help you move - but they won't play daddy to your kids while you pursue a destructive relationship.
VideoGameKing  - 4 months 18 days ago 
dosent luigi have dasiy as his Girlfriend?
barrage7667  - 4 months 18 days ago 
yea mario is a dick he will make sure daisy is ok but his own son!!! naaahhh let yoshi do it who cares if he dies as long as mario can get it on with his "i-need-more-attention-pay-attention-to-me" whore peach all nite he can always make another kid rite? dsigusting
DarxStar  - 4 months 18 days ago 
Baby Mario is Mario isn't he? About Bowser Jr. I'd been thinking the same thing. Just one problem: Peach was never kidnapped for nine months at a time so Bowser must have kidnapped her nine months later. I always liked Luigi better and now I like him more.
Since no one has said it I have the right to say First to say First.
Xeacons  - 4 months 18 days ago 
PRECIOUS!!! Haven't laughed this hard in months!!

But I do think if Peach was Jr's mom, he'd bare more resemblance. Don't forget all the other Koopa kids. If you ask me, Bowser reproduces asexually.
Mattgue  - 4 months 18 days ago 
hahahah lol maeby you are right bowser does reproduce asexually and luige is the sharpes person in the mushroom kingdom
dreamgor  - 4 months 17 days ago 
I ignore this article even if it hits a chord oh and here's a link to an awesome vid about it: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/443020 and darkxstar saying that us just stupid and even more so with that excuse

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