Jerking Off
From: Torrente 3: The Protector
Unlock: Not needed
Mini-rating: 0/10
How could we fail to mention this, the most awful minigame ever made? Bringing a sweaty Spanish cop to climax in a toilet cubicle in a strip club in Madrid... we’ve never felt so dirty, or used.

  Bandito Chinchilla
From: Thrillville: Off the Rails
Unlock: Not needed
Mini-rating: 7/10
Thrillville contains dozens of minigame homages to classic arcade genres. Its tribute to the side-scrolling scrapper? A dusty Mexican stand-off, filled with pummeled pooches. How cute.

  The Peeing Game
From: A Dog’s Life
Unlock: Not needed
Mini-rating: 6/10
Forget capture the flag. There’s only one way to establish your territory in the real world: with jets of hot yellow slosh. Sony’s wonderful dog sim has you peeing over the outlines of disputed areas in order to claim them and prove your superiority over the locals.

  Gummi Shooting
From: Kingdom Hearts II
Unlock: Part of the game
Mini-rating: 9/10
KHII’s Gummi Ship sections are ace - blazing, intense, pretty, and rich with rewards to find. You only need complete minimal levels to travel to new kingdoms, but you’ll be back for more.

  Sex, Sex, Sex
From: 7 Sins
Unlock: Tsk. Need you ask?
Mini-rating: 3/10
Getting lucky with one of 7 Sins’ hilariously ugly mannequin skanks is a process that involves tracing a lady’s outline with the analogue stick - as accurately as possible. Sex, eh?

  One Man Band
From: Steambot Chronicles
Unlock: Not needed
Mini-rating: 7/10
Choose an instrument - Harmonica? Guitar? Trumpet? Piano? - and start belting out a tune on the street corner, in a typical rhythm-action manner. The music is often beautiful.