Final Fantasy VI Advance (GBA)

NO! We’re not talking about frigging hockey masks! Nobody has ever strapped on this mouthless, empty-eyed, bone-colored facial façade with the intent of instilling a victim with the fear and intimidation that comes with facing down a goaltender. No, virtually every game character not playing for the NHL who’s ever put on a hockey mask is doing it for one reason, and one reason only: to crib from Jason Voorhees. And that’s our incredibly loose criteria here.

With that in mind, we tried to find as many instances of characters dressing up as Friday the 13th’s hero (yes, he is the hero) in honor of Halloween. So turn out your lights and put the lawyers to bed... it’s time for Jason Masks. Let’s start with the obvious...

If there’s one thing nerds love to do, it’s argue about our favorite things and which one is better. SNES or Genesis? Batman or Superman? Mike or Joel? Amongst the myriad of geeky topics than can spur internet flamewars, there’s a particularly contentious one: which Final Fantasy game is the best?

Anyone who has attempted to engage in such a debate has discovered something: your favorite FF game is somebody else’s least favorite FF game – and oftentimes for the very same exact reasons that you love it. With that in mind, we’ve set out to settle the debate once and for all. We’ve taken a long, hard look at all the mainline, numbered FF games – no spinoffs, no direct sequels ala X-2 – and have decided to end all arguments once and for all by describing why each and every one is simultaneously both the best and the worst Final Fantasy game ever. In the face of such irrefutable evidence, all arguments are certain to cease now and forevermore… right?

There's something about misguided attempts to amuse children that bring with them a unique streak of terror, and nowhere is that more apparent than with the noble clown. Intended to be a harmless jester with a painted face and a slapstick approach to life, the image of the clown has instead become associated with creeping dread and paranoid mistrust.

Videogame developers have tapped into this instinctive fear of clowns, and that's why the realm of interactive entertainment is chock full of nightmarish harlequins that haunt our dreams and ravage our days. You’ve probably been sleeping far too well lately, so why not keep yourself awake with thoughts of some of gaming's scariest clowns? Go on, they won't bite... except for the biting ones...

How often do you examine videogame logos? Not regularly, we’d suspect, as there’s not a lot to look at beyond letters and possibly an emblem. But in the case of Final Fantasy, each logo has a distinct message to convey, and with XIII fresh in our minds and XIV on the horizon, we figured it was time to go through all the info tucked away in each game’s logo...

This week I wanted to stray slightly from game-specific audio and instead highlight a handful of videogame-minded bands that consistently impress the hell out of me. Chief among them is today's spotlight, The OneUps, who I saw play in a tiny Missouri video store in 2005 and have since gone on to be featured performers at PAX Prime. They're one of the classiest game bands around, and definitely worth a listen.

Songs embedded after the link!

During the past three days we’ve declared the greatest Final Fantasy game of all, hand-picked the franchise’s best LINK TO HERO heroes and jeered at its mightiest LINK TO VILLAINS villains. Today, we’re digging a bit deeper into the series and acknowledging the nearly unsung greatness of their rich, moving soundtracks.

The RPG holds a special place in gamers’ hearts, and with good reason; epic, sweeping stories filled with interesting characters draw the player in and get combined with magic-filled battles against towering monsters and villainous cads.

Yesterday we played goody two shoes and honored the most effective and selfless Final Fantasy heroes in the series’s history. Today, we’re treading the Sith-tinged “fast and easy” path and cuddling up to the franchise’s worst (as in best) villains. Like it or not, they make the story what it is – without their sociopathic antics, we wouldn’t even have a game to play.

As series with 13 entries and an ungodly amount of spin-off titles, Final Fantasy stirs up a great amount of excitement when a new game arrives. XIII hits the US next week, making it not just the first entry on the PS3/360, but also the first numbered sequel since 2006’s Final Fantasy XII.

Oftentimes our Top 7 lists tread ground that no one else has covered. After all, how many other articles can you find about inanimate objects and sexy horses? But every so often we come down from our esoteric high and write about something universal, like say long-ass videogame endings.