Teaming up for murderous mayhem in: Resident Evil 5
The most deadly mixed gender homicidal tag team since Bonnie and Clyde decided it might be nice to earn a bit of extra revenue by sticking up banks, then shooting loads of people. Alright, so technically everyone that the Resi pair off are asking for it (most of them are infected freaks who try to nibble the agents’ necks on sight). But that doesn’t make Chris and Sheva’s antics any less violent.
Double teaming their victims like 'an-analogy-about-woman-who-have-sex-for-money-which-isn’t-age-appropriate-for-this-site’, the deadly duo end up shooting, kicking and knifing anything that crosses their path. They even have some nifty tag team moves which help them do in mutated African citizens in half the time. Let’s just try and overlook the whole destroying half a continent thing, though, yeah?
Teaming up for murderous mayhem in: Gears of War/ Gears of War 2
We were close to going with Marcus and Dom. Lets be honest, though, they aren’t half as deadly or satisfying as Gears’ two deadly finishers. In co-op they really are the perfect partners. Is one of you too busy taking out that stampeding Locust, as you find yourself intestines deep eviscerating his alien pal with a chainsaw? No problem. Because your partner can easily take Locust number two out with a quick blast of bullets followed up by a skull-cracking boot to the temple.
Gears might be better known for a hatred for sleeved shirts and enough testosterone to power a 24 hour Greco Roman wrestling marathon. But the stomp and chainsaw co-op combination prove the series is actually a touching story of cooperation, mutual respect and killing the hell out of anything that looks even remotely like E.T.
Teaming up for murderous mayhem in: Dead to Rights
What’s scarier than a highly trained cop toting some serious automatic weaponry? Why, a highly trained cop who can have his killer husky rip out your liver and unmentionables on command, of course.
While most man and mutt teams spend their time frolicking in parks, begrudgingly accepting each other’s foibles in 80s buddy comedies or cleaning up after each other’s shit; Slate and Shadow like to pass their time by killing the scum of Grant City. Trained to rip anyone’s throat out who crosses his master, Shadow is gaming’s most loyal, if slightly serial killery pooch. Awww, the two of them make a cuter couple that Turner and Hooch, don’t they?
On a side note, does everyone know that the fat kid in Stand By Me grew up to be Neve Campbell’s dreamy boyfriend in Scream 2? Honestly, we shit you not.
July 23, 2010