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Gaming's most repellent anti-babes

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After a week of eye-popping sexy lady types, we thought it was only fair that we should give some exposure to a few of God's burnt cookies.

Lucy - Quake 3 Arena

You'd never be able to tell she used to be a prison guard, would you? Lucy is far from somone we'd screw with in any sense of the word. She made the eyeballs scream in her original, low polygon Q3A incarnation, but then Metro3d at the CGSociety forums had to go and make an HD upgrade.

Ma - Big Mutha Truckers

It's like being hit with a seduction bid from the late, great Les Dawson. After he died.

Queen Brahne - Final Fantasy IX

Mercifully, the more cartoony art style of FFIX meant that although highly unfortunate of face, Queen Brahne never quite looked real enough to genuinely disturb. Unmercifully. Draike then had to go and make the second pic below for his YTMND. Hell. He's going straight to hell.

Big Fat Hooker - Fable 2

The quality might not be great, but presumably there's a discount for buying in bulk.

Buttamilk - GTA IV

In our GTA IV Hooker Beauty Contest, Radar's esteemed overlord Stephen described Buttamilk as a "boulder-chested hobbit", "gnarled, and with the sexual flexibility of a Redwood". No word of a lie. No mere syllable of a word of a lie.

Mileena - Mortal Kombat II

It all looked so good on the lady front in MKII. Sonya Blade was gone, but in Kitana and Mileena we had two nigh-identical twins of svelte, slinky sex and gore. Good times, good times. But then Milly took off her mask and it all went wrong. Horribly, nightmarishly, ball-shrinkingly wrong.

Sheeva - Mortal Kombat 3

The gold bikini thing worked for Princess Leia. But Princess Leia wasn't built like a 'roid-raging insect.

Divada - Weaponlord

Man.

Talazia - Weaponlord

Also a man.

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4 comments

  • ElectricButterfly - July 31, 2010 8:12 p.m.

    Harsh. But um...I guess I would take offense to the "fatties" section. Bawwing. That's lame though. You forgot Quina. (even though that whole sex thing is hard to truly nail down...) Sorry but Lucy is kinda hot. Buttamilk isn't that bad, either. I guess it's all in what you prefer. I happen to like Sheeva, too. Fable hooker, not so much. Eh.
  • kaittybee - February 26, 2010 4:30 p.m.

    jesus christ, this article is disturbing... i love it!
  • S1ightlyParano1d - November 18, 2008 10:55 p.m.

    O RLY?
  • marty20000 - September 29, 2008 9:42 p.m.

    Lol BTW... Birdo is a guy :P

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