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Gaming's most important farty butts

Uncle Pey’J
From Beyond Good & Evil

Aromatic Attribute: Rocket Science!

 

In what could be the most dignified occurrence on this list, Uncle Pey’J managed to turn his social faux pas into something certainly worth a Nobel Prize, with nary a “FRRT” or a “BRAAP” to be heard. We’ll let him explain his invention:

“The Jet Boots: They run on home-made bio-carburate. Here’s the pocket of pressurized methane (points at ass)... All you have to do to fire ‘em up is contract your abdominal muscles!”






Sharte
From Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure



Worth Repeating.


Duke Nukem 3D

Aromatic Attribute: None, but it may have a taste.

 

“I’ll rip your head off and shit down your neck.” How many of us have repeated Sergeant Hartman’s immortal threat-down into a headset with little thought of actually carrying it out? Duke Nukem is not us. He’s Duke. As such, he brought off that very scenario in all its literal machismo, plus with more nonchalance than most of us display crapping privately on our own commode. Ah, memories. Duke Nukem Forever is just a fart scene shy of totally being worth the two and a half decade long wait.

 



Grand Theft Auto (pre-3D)

Aromatic Attribute: Nothing... except pure, audible class

Tommy Vercetti never blew a rectal revelry, nor did Niko Bellic ever cut the old-world cheese. But that doesn’t mean Rockstar has never tapped a natural gas reserve. Yes, Grand Theft Auto, the most irreverent title in history, has made the most intelligently subversive contributions to gaming of all time, and that’s a tradition that dates back to the very first game in the series.


Above: Fart Button Showcase!

Refusing to ignore a surplus of PC keys, Rockstar angelically bestowed the lucky nation with a button reserved exclusively for gas - although GTA has been suspiciously fartless ever since. But fear not, we’ve heard word that the upcoming, 360-exclusive downloadable content for GTA IV will feature Roman, who is actually a walking bag of flatulence in a borrowed dermis.*

*Everything about this statement is total horseshit.


Conker’s Bad Fur Day

Aromatic Attribute: Usually accompanied by a, um, solid manifestation

Most of you know that Conker started as just another entry in Rare’s harmless stable of generic furballs. So as part of a ten-year effort to stave off gaming irrelevance, Rare completely retooled the Little Squirrel That Couldn’t into a beer-drankin’, profanity-spewin’ anti-hero on the Nintendo 64. Using its “Mature” rating for anything but, the game rewarded its few young fans with numerous “adult situations” then unseen on consoles.

 

Yes, that’s a cow shitting, and you made it happen! By goring it with a bull and forcing it to drink prune juice.

If that weren’t enough feces-drenched absurdity, there’s a lengthy boss battle that takes place in a level made entirely of shit, starring a towering baddie composed of poo with a corn-studded grill. Take a listen to his cautionary song in the video below, taken from the Xbox remake that few of you have had the maturity to play through.

Truly, the greatest game EVAR.

 

Oct 1, 2008

Hear more about this article in TalkRadar.


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19 comments

  • Smeggs - January 1, 2010 11:02 p.m.

    LOL When I first played Castle Crashers and fought the bat with my friends I was like "It has Toxic Shits! Run away!"
  • ryno - November 21, 2008 9:03 p.m.

    it was F#%king funny when Johnny's barrel was tiped over. i laughed so hard i sh!t myself
  • Defguru7777 - October 3, 2008 2:59 a.m.

    Holy crap!
  • BooyaBuda - October 2, 2008 3:33 a.m.

    man the cow thing was so stoopidly hilarious
  • Corsair89 - October 2, 2008 2:29 a.m.

    Fantastic article! It's always fun to be completely immature.
  • TheSuburbiaRuins - October 2, 2008 2:02 a.m.

    Played all of these games, And those parts are so memorable, Good job Chris.
  • sine.metu - October 2, 2008 12:20 a.m.

    You guys completely left out Fable. Not cool.
  • CuddlyBomber - October 1, 2008 10:14 p.m.

    very funny. I don't even have to say more than that. A very good read Chris.
  • chrisat928 - October 1, 2008 9:54 p.m.

    Awesome article. Had me laughing all the way through it. Can't wait to see who buys into the GTA thing.
  • wysiwyg - October 7, 2008 noon

    What about Abe from the Oddworld games, he/it used flatulance as a game mechanic.
  • StupidFaceXD - October 5, 2008 5:38 a.m.

    Hilarious. Especially the ending. Keep up the good work you huys.
  • Samael - October 2, 2008 11:53 p.m.

    Sharte is indeed worth repeating. ....Sharte.
  • Jacksonman07 - October 2, 2008 5:40 p.m.

    Oh Chris, you and your wackyness.
  • MacGyver1138 - October 2, 2008 4:13 p.m.

    But DisgruntledTable, the villagers do care when your creature craps in the villages. If I remember correctly, it would actually make people sick if done too often. I trained my creature to throw the crap into the distance every time he did it. Good boy.
  • DisgruntledTable - October 2, 2008 6:02 a.m.

    You left out Black & White where your creature shits all over your town and neither the creature nor the villagers care.
  • Corsair89 - October 2, 2008 2:42 a.m.

    The nice background music in the video was by far the best part of the whole article.
  • FrizzySkernip - October 2, 2008 1:35 a.m.

    As soon as I saw this article on the front page, I KNEW it would be written by Chris.
  • krunkattack - October 1, 2008 11:15 p.m.

    hilarious article! i didn't play most of these games but it was entertaining still
  • TedDidlio - May 11, 2009 6:56 a.m.

    this beaut of an article did NOT get the recognition it deserved. huzzah for chris and his love of farty butts.

Showing 1-19 of 19 comments

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