Does it really count as a “sex scene” if all you see are fleeting glimpses of a monster possibly raping another monster (which doesn’t even have visible genitalia)? For the purposes of this article, we’re going to say yes, if only because there’s no point in making a list of horrifying sex scenes if you’re going to leave out the most horrifying one of all. We’re talking, of course, about Pyramid Head’s angry lovemaking with two of those four-legged mannequin things from Silent Hill 2.
Above: WHAT IS HAPPENING
Honestly, it’s kind of hard to tell if there’s any actual sex going on during Pyramid Head’s infamous second appearance in Silent Hill 2, or if he’s just somehow wrestling the mannequin-creatures to death. The ESRB certainly didn’t slap the game with an AO rating (which an onscreen rape would almost certainly merit), but the internet seems to agree that Pyramid Head absolutely is sexing that leg-thing in a nonconsensual way. In any case, the end result is indelibly, unforgettably creepy.
About as sexy as:
If you ever need evidence that porn-game makers don’t know how to make porn or games, take a look at the EU-only 7 Sins. A conversation-centric game about making money and bumping uglies, 7 Sins is slow, tedious, poorly translated and filled with hideously misshapen Bratz dolls masquerading as people.
Your reward for putting up with all that nonsense is the chance at a sexy encounter with a girl (or boy) – which takes the form of a minigame in which you have to do some inane bullshit to un-obscure the action before the time runs out. And if you do, all you’ll really see is a glimpse of the heads and shoulders of underwear-clad characters as they grind away in improbable positions.
About as sexy as:
Quantic Dream’s third and most recent effort looks a hell of a lot better than its first two, but strangely, that doesn't make its obligatory sex scene any less weird. For one, the scene doesn’t really fit in with the plot or the characters’ motivations, unfolding as it does between journalist Madison Paige and Ethan Mars, a distraught, injured father who’s racing against the clock to find his kidnapped son before said son is drowned by the mysterious Origami Killer.
Above: But, you know, a kid who’s literally up to his neck in freezing rainwater can probably wait a few more hours while Dad gets his bone on
Second, it underlines an uncomfortable truth about Heavy Rain: as good as the characters look, they’re still proud residents of the uncanny valley, looking like nothing so much as rubbery, dead-eyed RealDolls who’ve somehow acquired lives of their own and used them to slowly undress each other while rolling around on the floor.
About as sexy as:
There is a no-brainer, because there is nothing about Seaman that isn’t horrifying. A bizarre, microphone-equipped virtual-pet-thing that debuted in 2001 on the Dreamcast, it focused on a species of surly, human faced amphibious creatures who hatch as parasites from the body of a nautilus, die frequently and enjoy judging you based on your answers to their condescending personal questions.
It follows, then, that watching them mate should be just as uncomfortable and horrible as everything else in the game. Once your Seamen reach a certain stage, one of them will hook its weird head-tube up with another one’s, and start to pump some sort of fluid directly into the “female’s” brain. It’s an ugly process, and it isn’t made any less ugly by the way the “male” dies almost immediately afterward, its floating corpse now good for nothing except inducing nightmares.
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