As seen in: Tomb Raider Underworld
If you were a god of Norse mythology who wanted to protect their really smashy hammer, who would you get to guard it? If your answer is Mothra, you’re not even close. As much as a giant moth monster would be good at keeping intrepid explorers like our Lara at bay, Thor instead chose Yeti Thralls to guard his hammer.
Above: Can't we just talk this out?
Created when a yeti would go suicidal and chuck himself into the Sea of Etir, these smooth-skinned beasts are pretty much zombies. While they might have the scary dead eyes of a porn fluffer, they’re no match for Miss Croft’s Matrix-shaming bullet skills. Just a quick tip, mind. Crush their skeletons to dust or they’ll end up coming back and going all Jason & The Argonauts on your inquisitive ass.
As seen in: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Fourscore and a year between 2003 and 2005, San Andreas was unleashed upon the land with rumours of in-game paranormal sightings. If it wasn’t ghost cars in the countryside, it was aliens running about Area 69. But no rumour caused as much of a stir as the one of Bigfoot wandering the woods outside Los Santos… eh, apart from that whole Hot Coffee unpleasantness.
Sadly for PS2, and later Xbox owners, the ape who must have loads of trouble buying trainers, was merely a urban legend, who had never been programmed into Rockstar’s state-hopping masterpiece. Luckily, the modding community was on the case. And as soon as CJ’s adventure came out for PC, it proceeded to tinker the shit out of the code. A bit of programming jiggery-pokery later and the sexy, damn near indestructible sasquatch lived... as did pilotable X-wings. What an age we live in.
As seen in: Final Fantasy VI
"Admirer of bone-carvings, as strong as a gigas, a sasquatch pal with muscle!" Surely these words set in stone (alright, probably ink) in the SNES manual for Final Fantasy VI tell you exactly why Umaro should make this list. A sophisticated sasquatch who appreciates primitive art, a good bottle of Chardonnay and $500 a night yeti call girls, this pixelated, mythic monkey man is a classy son of a bitch. Although, we might have made at least two of those facts up.
Above: Umaro is pretty much a slave to that tiny thing on the right
A secret character who can only be recruited in the World of Ruin after you best him in battle, Umaro has a strong sense of honour. Being noble and having supernatural strength aren’t much good, though, if you end up taking orders from a tiny dancing Moogle called mog.
Above: Dude is seriously under the 16-bit thumb
As seen in: Overlord 2
When’s the Abominable Snowman not the Abominable Snowman? When he’s rocking a big-ass horn and a solitary peeper in the middle of his ferocious face. While Overlord’s yeti might look more like a cyclops, he still provides your malevolent dictator with useful, if unintentional, help throughout the game.
Above: Better break the barbecue out, Mrs. Overlord. Hubby's bringing home a hunk of yeti meat
Attacking the player and his Gremlins-style cronies at several points in Overlord’s campaign, the dim-witted snow shagger’s immense strength and poor reactions often inadvertently help you solve puzzles. And how do you repay the beast’s clumsy kindness, you ask? You skin him, then turn his abominable ass into a handsome rug for your really evil bedroom.
As seen in: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Just when you thought romance was dead in Hyrule, along comes this charming yeti couple. When Link first encounters Yeto and Yeta in their mansion in Snowpeak Ruins, they appear to be the picture of happily married bliss.
Above: We hear it was a beautiful wedding
Yeto is even making some soup for his tiny wife to try and help her shake a cold. We’d be all up for giving the hulking humanoid husband of the year. That is if his soup didn’t look about as appetising as liquidised dog diarrhoea.
Above: We don’t care if we were suffering from hypothermia, there ain’t no way we’re eating that
Yeta seems to be a shining beacon for good-hearted yetiness, too… until she turns into an enormous possessed demon and tries to kill you. Yeah, turns out she’s had the paranormal whammy put on her by something called the Mirror Shard. Don’t worry, everything turns out fine for the hairy couple when Link smacks the demon Yeta back to her normal self. And later, they even challenge our hero to some sledding challenges. Still, we wouldn’t turn our backs on wifey anytime soon...
Gaming's most badass scorpions
These bastards will sign your death warrant and there won't be a get-out claws
Gaming's least wise wiseguys
They'll make you a moronic offer you can definitely refuse... then poke fun at
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