Google+

Gaming’s most festively ferocious yetis


The possessed snow beastie

As seen in: Tomb Raider Underworld

If you were a god of Norse mythology who wanted to protect their really smashy hammer, who would you get to guard it? If your answer is Mothra, you’re not even close. As much as a giant moth monster would be good at keeping intrepid explorers like our Lara at bay, Thor instead chose Yeti Thralls to guard his hammer.


Above: Can't we just talk this out?

Created when a yeti would go suicidal and chuck himself into the Sea of Etir, these smooth-skinned beasts are pretty much zombies. While they might have the scary dead eyes of a porn fluffer, they’re no match for Miss Croft’s Matrix-shaming bullet skills. Just a quick tip, mind. Crush their skeletons to dust or they’ll end up coming back and going all Jason & The Argonauts on your inquisitive ass.


The modded mythic ape

As seen in: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

Fourscore and a year between 2003 and 2005, San Andreas was unleashed upon the land with rumours of in-game paranormal sightings. If it wasn’t ghost cars in the countryside, it was aliens running about Area 69. But no rumour caused as much of a stir as the one of Bigfoot wandering the woods outside Los Santos… eh, apart from that whole Hot Coffee unpleasantness.



Sadly for PS2, and later Xbox owners, the ape who must have loads of trouble buying trainers, was merely a urban legend, who had never been programmed into Rockstar’s state-hopping masterpiece. Luckily, the modding community was on the case. And as soon as CJ’s adventure came out for PC, it proceeded to tinker the shit out of the code. A bit of programming jiggery-pokery later and the sexy, damn near indestructible sasquatch lived... as did pilotable X-wings. What an age we live in.


The playable yeti

As seen in: Final Fantasy VI

"Admirer of bone-carvings, as strong as a gigas, a sasquatch pal with muscle!" Surely these words set in stone (alright, probably ink) in the SNES manual for Final Fantasy VI tell you exactly why Umaro should make this list. A sophisticated sasquatch who appreciates primitive art, a good bottle of Chardonnay and $500 a night yeti call girls, this pixelated, mythic monkey man is a classy son of a bitch. Although, we might have made at least two of those facts up.


Above: Umaro is pretty much a slave to that tiny thing on the right

A secret character who can only be recruited in the World of Ruin after you best him in battle, Umaro has a strong sense of honour. Being noble and having supernatural strength aren’t much good, though, if you end up taking orders from a tiny dancing Moogle called mog.


Above: Dude is seriously under the 16-bit thumb


The one-eyed abomination

As seen in: Overlord 2

When’s the Abominable Snowman not the Abominable Snowman? When he’s rocking a big-ass horn and a solitary peeper in the middle of his ferocious face. While Overlord’s yeti might look more like a cyclops, he still provides your malevolent dictator with useful, if unintentional, help throughout the game.


Above: Better break the barbecue out, Mrs. Overlord. Hubby's bringing home a hunk of yeti meat

Attacking the player and his Gremlins-style cronies at several points in Overlord’s campaign, the dim-witted snow shagger’s immense strength and poor reactions often inadvertently help you solve puzzles. And how do you repay the beast’s clumsy kindness, you ask? You skin him, then turn his abominable ass into a handsome rug for your really evil bedroom.


The culinary-minded yeti couple

As seen in: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Just when you thought romance was dead in Hyrule, along comes this charming yeti couple. When Link first encounters Yeto and Yeta in their mansion in Snowpeak Ruins, they appear to be the picture of happily married bliss.


Above: We hear it was a beautiful wedding

Yeto is even making some soup for his tiny wife to try and help her shake a cold. We’d be all up for giving the hulking humanoid husband of the year. That is if his soup didn’t look about as appetising as liquidised dog diarrhoea.


Above: We don’t care if we were suffering from hypothermia, there ain’t no way we’re eating that

Yeta seems to be a shining beacon for good-hearted yetiness, too… until she turns into an enormous possessed demon and tries to kill you. Yeah, turns out she’s had the paranormal whammy put on her by something called the Mirror Shard. Don’t worry, everything turns out fine for the hairy couple when Link smacks the demon Yeta back to her normal self. And later, they even challenge our hero to some sledding challenges. Still, we wouldn’t turn our backs on wifey anytime soon...


Gaming's most badass scorpions
These bastards will sign your death warrant and there won't be a get-out claws

 

Gaming's least wise wiseguys
They'll make you a moronic offer you can definitely refuse... then poke fun at

Topics

Microsoft

29 comments

  • Japanaman - December 30, 2010 4:07 a.m.

    What? No Darkstalkers Yeti? He was a real brute! And where's Wendigo?!! He was such a pain in X-Men.
  • GoBlue811 - December 29, 2010 6:55 a.m.

    WHERE IS BENTLEY THE YETI FROM SPYRO?! Seriously, he proceeded to beat the crap out everything whenever you played as him (and I'm only counting Year of the Dragon, none of that nonsense after that game).
  • super0sonic - December 28, 2010 8:40 p.m.

    That PC GTA:SA Mod is creepy as hell.
  • Clovin64 - December 26, 2010 3:25 p.m.

    Umaro was one of my least favourite characters in FFVI (along with Gau). At least he got a mention though.
  • philipshaw - December 26, 2010 12:15 p.m.

    Solid article, I knew RDR had to be in here
  • RushLight - December 26, 2010 3:43 a.m.

    NOT TAKE MIRROR!!!!
  • jazbez - December 26, 2010 12:02 a.m.

    Gotta love the world of warcraft yetis, fun to kill.
  • jayrockslife - December 25, 2010 5:17 p.m.

    What about SkiFree!? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SkiFree#Abominable_Snow_Monster
  • Mode - December 25, 2010 6:38 a.m.

    When I encountered the last Sasquatch in RDR...I just had to blow his brains out. I couldn't stand to see him suffer like that. I was all "Welp, see you on the other side." *BLAMO*
  • NightCrawler_358 - December 25, 2010 5:38 a.m.

    Would any Wendigos count in this? Also i also agree with bentley the yeti! I loved playing as him!
  • OneToBoner - December 25, 2010 2:37 a.m.

    @magicwalnuts0 That bastard is way overused as it is. I'm glad they didn't put him in.
  • magicwalnuts0 - December 25, 2010 2:05 a.m.

    ......no Ski Free Yeti, another GR fail.
  • Romination - December 25, 2010 1:29 a.m.

    Kind of would have liked to see the Alien Hominid yeti on here. The one that runs around and eats KGB members.
  • Crimmy - December 24, 2010 11:31 p.m.

    What about Bentley? He was a cool dude. (see what I did there?)
  • Robusken - December 24, 2010 10:15 p.m.

    I need to go back and play PvZ, I never encountered that zombie yeti!
  • FanofSaiyan - December 24, 2010 8:27 p.m.

    What is the plural for Yeti? Is it Yetis or Yeti? The moment I saw this I just knew Twilight Princess would be on this list. ;)
  • Nap1400 - December 24, 2010 7:37 p.m.

    Aw come on! Show us the "not take mirror" scene! That's perfect!
  • JoeMasturbaby - December 24, 2010 7:11 p.m.

    i know Gladius had yetis as playable characters. you could even have a whole team of yetis.
  • Felixthecat - December 24, 2010 7:08 p.m.

    Thank gawd Yeto and Yeta are on this list. Now I have nothing to complain about. I was close to tears at that cutscene in RDR: Undead Nightmare. Seriously, it was so sad. I didn't want to kill him, but I felt the need to for some weird reason :'(
  • Ginshi29 - December 24, 2010 5:46 p.m.

    totally in time for the holidays. . . . but anyone like nunu??

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000