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Gaming's greatest Fatties

UNCLE PEY'J
From: Beyond Good and Evil.
Weighs as much as: A crate of Wal-Mart fertilizer

When this domesticated boar isn't doing machines like Donatello, he's helping raise a smokin' hot photographer and tending to a pile of screaming orphans. Humans and pigs living together? Mass Hysteria! You may think this agreeable fatty appears somewhat slovenly, but for a pig he’s a regular Dapper Dan.

Fattest Achievement:
Pey’j refrains from rolling in his own excrement long enough to help Jade set up many a combo.

EARL
From: The Toe Jam & Earl series
Weighs as much as: A metric ton of funk

Sega’s alien lard ass is hip, with it, and overflowing with "fattitude." This Funkatronian was every bit as important to the rap movement as Rerun from What’s Happening?. If you’re ever confused as to who’s who in this thuggish hip-hop duo, remember, only fat people are named Earl. Strut it, homeslice!

Fattest Achievement:
So comfortable with his own plumpness, Earl refuses to wear a shirt, even while in the icy vacuum of space. Bold.

HOMER SIMPSON
From: The Simpsons
Weighs as much as: An unstoppable merchandising empire

No stranger to adventures in obesity, the Simpsons’ patriarch is endowed with the ability to swell to even greater enormity. Homer even has the fortitude to use his immensely circular frame to roll around at breakneck speeds, an incredibly enjoyable activity few fatties have the stamina to perform.

Fattest Achievement:
In the ultimate student-versus-master scenario, Homer has to defeat his hero, Lard Lad, using the power of unsightly body mass.

JO
From: Dead Rising
Weighs as much as: A mall full of lesser, undead fatties

If we didn’t love fatties so, we may not be able to forgive Jo for implying she’d rape a bound woman with a nightstick. But lucky for her, she sounds like a bulbous Joan Cusack and that’s just adorable!

Fattest Achievement:
Okay, Jo's a pretty despicable person... but you gotta give her a little credit for somehow hoisting that ginormous frame of hers out of bed every morning. Be sure to tip your forklift operator.

6 comments

  • gmknoble - June 7, 2010 11:52 p.m.

    The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and the Michelin Man must be cousins. Too bad the Michelin Man hasn't made it to any games yet.
  • olio - June 4, 2009 2:53 p.m.

    Pokey, aka, Porky, from the Earthbound/Mother series is a pretty epic fatty. A real ass, too.
  • MooseKnuckle753 - May 26, 2009 10:42 p.m.

    lol
  • ryno - July 5, 2009 4:35 a.m.

    Pey'j rules i hope he's playable in the sequil he could use his jet boots
  • Hobojedi - June 17, 2009 9:57 p.m.

    You can't really get much bigger than the Stay Puft' Man.
  • nasa - April 7, 2009 6:13 a.m.

    Very Nice article as always. I was surprised to see CJ on here though. Oh, and um... ... first! *Hides*

Showing 1-6 of 6 comments

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