CARL "CJ" JOHNSON
From: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Weighs as much as: A truckload of hidden packages
CJ makes for an interesting fatty entry, because the player always had the option to go gargantuan. And with so many great restaurants in San Andreas, like Burger Shot and Cluckin’ Bell, who the hell wants abs anyway? We’ll take the Beef Tower and the man-boobs, thank you.
Hot Coffee mode allowed for even the most grotesque hunk of excess to engage in even uglier polygonal sex.
Weighs as much as: A giant sack of Monkey Balls
Talk about adorable lumps - we defy you not to fall head over heels for the roly-poly pudge-muffins in LocoRoco. Even the racially insensitive little rascals still warm the cockles. Absolutely precious:
LocoRoco made such a Chris Farley-cannonball splash on the PSP, they made their way over to the PS3. Welcome to the big leagues, uh... things?
From: The Samurai Showdown series
Weighs as much as: A gross of uranium katana blades
SNK’s thick slice of humanity was so epic in his beefiness, they had to invent a zoomable camera to keep eyesores like him in frame. Earthquake took great pride in copiously spilling the blood of his opponents with enough time left over to hit up the early bird special at the Golden Corral Buffet.
With the kusari-gama and that tattooed mask, don’t you think Earthquake looks more than a little like fat-assed Kratos?
STAY-PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN
From: The Ghostbusters series
Weighs as much as: 100 Michelin Men and millions of Pillsbury Dough Boys
Quite literally the brainchild of Dan Aykroyd and Gozer, Stay Puft was the cutest giganta-beast to ever threaten the lives of New York’s citizens. Though his appearance in the film was short - going out in an explosion that was catastrophically delicious - Puft lives on in videogames across numerous platforms.
If the above screenshot is to be believed, Puft Daddy will be back in the upcoming Ghostbusters game for reasons we can’t begin to fathom.