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Unitology (Dead Space)

Dead Space's Unitology, otherwise known as The Church of Silliness, was formed after an alien artifact was discovered on Earth. As humans are so often wont to do, a significant number of people ascribed religious significance to this "Black Marker" because they didn't understand it.

Unitologists believe that humans weren't born on Earth, a belief started by a scientist (wrongly) guessing what the inscriptions on the Black Marker meant. Those indoctrinated into the church are often required to donate vast sums of money if they want to raise their status, and of course there are plenty of ritual sacrifices and mass suicides to keep things fun.

It's still slightly better than the Xenu shit, to be fair.

 

The Treeminders (Fallout 3)

When one thinks videogame cults, one of the first places to look is Fallout 3 and The Children of Atom, a church in Megaton that worships a dormant atomic bomb. That's pretty crazy, but it would be disingenuous to pick on these cultists as being any more mad than the rest of Megaton's residents, all of whom are seemingly fine with building their homes around a big metal box of nuclear devastation.

Instead, I'd like to talk about the Treeminders, a bunch of ignorant hippy jerks who live in the far-flung forest home of Oasis. They worship Harold, Fallout's longest-suffering mutant, who is being swallowed by a tree that started growing from his head.

As if dressing up like bad Legend of Zelda cosplayers wasn't enough, the Treeminders call themselves horrendously soppy names like Leaf Mother and Branchtender. They also deliberately ignore everything Harold tells them, pretending he's talking in allegories and metaphors when he's just trying to speak in plain English. Bunch of idiots.

 

The Order (Silent Hill)

The Order of Silent Hill truly dances along the lunatic fringe. These degenerate hicks love nothing more than worshipping malformed monstrosities as incarnations of God, taking drugs and setting little girls on fire. Many of them are driven insane by the cult's own cruel and unusual methods, and its special little orphanage has been responsible for the creation of at least one serial killer.

The Order's goals are your standard mental nonsense - bring about the apocalypse, ascend to paradise, yadda yadda yadda. It's their methods that are truly mad, however, ranging from evil to turbo evil, and culminating with the immolation of a teenage girl, who was then unnaturally kept alive beyond the human body's natural capacity for trauma, with her mother's full blessing, just so she could host some sort of deity.

In fact, a huge amount of The Order's doctrine revolves around Gods being inserted into fourteen-year-old girls. Something tells me the freedom of religion decree isn't going to let that one fly.

 

Catholicism (Dante's Inferno)

Dante's Inferno introduced us to one really bizarre little cult that seems to have a (fortunately loose) basis in reality. It's called the Roman Catholic Church, and you really ought to get a load of this stuff. Apparently, there's this thing called "Hell" full of monsters and fire and brimstone, and people get sent there to suffer for all eternity just for being a slut or wanting to eat too many pies. Not only that, but BABIES get sent to Hell if they died before a man in a black dress splashes some water on its head.

According to Dante's Inferno, this demented sect waged some sort of war in the Middle East to impose its belief on others, where soldiers were essentially allowed to rape and pillage to their heart's content. It sounds incredible, but somehow Visceral Games made it all sound borderline believable.

Thank God it's just in videogames!

The Top 7... game religions
We blindly follow gamings scheming cults, faiths and god-botherers

 

 

The secrets of Dead Space deciphered
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109 comments

  • Galaxy010 - December 27, 2013 8:57 a.m.

    I can't believe they forgot the Happy Happy cult.
  • g1rldraco7 - December 26, 2013 11:11 p.m.

    I was offended by how The Roman Catholic was represented in Dante's Inferno since I am Catholic, but hey it's just a game. Also the Dead Space cult scared the hell out of me and that fact a women was laughing as she stabbed herself repeadley.
  • SqueakyBabyDuck - December 27, 2013 10:35 p.m.

    I respect that you were offended, but if you claim to be catholic than please know the past and roots of our religion. During the crusades all the rape and pillaging did happen, mostly because the crusaders were told by the pope that everything they did is for God. If your also angered with the display of how strict it is such as gluttony, I'm sorry to say but at one point the Catholic Church did indeed believe in the Seven Deadly Sins and some still do to this day. Don't confuse me informing with ranting. All I'm saying friend is if you knew all this, please don't deny that it happened. (I am also Catholic)
  • g1rldraco7 - December 27, 2013 10:50 p.m.

    You made things perfectly clear, It's nice to have a positive reply to a comment. Thank you and nie to meet you :)
  • SqueakyBabyDuck - December 28, 2013 3:02 p.m.

    Nice too meet you too friend. :)
  • Doctor_Pancakes - December 25, 2013 8:55 a.m.

    Lol classy, a gaming's biggest cults article on the date of the world's biggest cults biggest holiday. Best radar joke yet! Cheers folks, Happy Holidays!
  • Shigeruken - December 24, 2013 8:45 p.m.

    People making comments were much angrier in 2010 weren't they?
  • GenderBender_9000 - December 24, 2013 5:52 p.m.

    Some of these made up religions don't seem so bad when compared to "real religions"
  • TheChief - October 8, 2010 1:29 p.m.

    This is why I love gamesradar, journalistic freedom. I salute you!
  • Gurkog - October 8, 2010 2:59 a.m.

    I am amused by how naive people can be about religions. Every single one practiced today is a cult that branched off of something before it. Just because they may have become more popular than the originals does not validate them. If the Catholic religion was so great there wouldn't be so many protestant religions branching from it. So learn to live and laugh and take everything with a grain of salt.
  • TheWebSwinger - October 8, 2010 2:13 a.m.

    oooooh SNAP
  • echelon3 - October 7, 2010 9:55 p.m.

    Well,you got the second part about the Covenant right. The first part though, where they are united under the belief that humanity is an affront to the gods, is kind of wrong. The Covenant were around long before they found out about the humans. The reason the Covenant are trying to eradicate the humans instead of absorb them as another race of the Covenant is because the humans show up as one of the Covenant's most revered symbols on their Reliquaries, "Reclamation". Reliquaries are what the Covenant use to find Forerunner Artifacts and you actually see one briefly in Halo Reach. When the Covenant first found a human world, they thought that the world was filled with Forerunner artifacts, when instead it was filled with humans. When the Minister of Fortitude decided to present this evidence to Mendicant Bias, the last of the AI that was present during the initial Flood-Forerunner War (not to mention the one that betrayed the Forerunners), he corrected the Covenant's translation error. What they thought was "Reclamation" actually was the symbol for "Reclaimers" meaning that the humans were the true "descendants" to the Forerunners Legacy, not the Covenant. The Minister of Fortitude knew that this would break the Covenant Theology so he made sure no one would ever know and overthrew the San shyu'um that were the Prophets at the time, becoming the Prophet of Truth himself and the only other two that knew about the human controversy becoming the Prophets of Regret and Mercy. That is where the whole eradicating humans thing comes in.
  • KippDynamite - October 7, 2010 9:28 p.m.

    I have major issues with some aspects of the catholic church, but this this doesn't seem like the right place for those opinions. Maybe facebook would be better?
  • ViolentLee - October 7, 2010 6:42 p.m.

    I'm glad you didn't include those douches from Dead Rising. Asshats in yellow raincoats do not belong in zombie mall.
  • cj12297 - October 7, 2010 6:13 p.m.

    someone who isnt afraid to tell the truth about the catholic church. good job ps. im catholic and laughed at the last one
  • RUSSO - October 7, 2010 6:09 p.m.

    There are so many many many more. Don't forget about the Cabal from the Blood games. Also the monastery cult from the Infernal game.
  • deathdealerd21 - October 7, 2010 5:26 p.m.

    Catholicism still threatening children around the world stop terrorism and kill Christians.
  • NanoElite666 - October 7, 2010 5:12 p.m.

    I remember those Mythic Dawn loonies. Marched right into their base and slaughtered every last one of 'em. Good times, good times...
  • R_U_Guys_From_British - October 7, 2010 5:08 p.m.

    Who gives a fuck about religion? Their all beliefs based on fantasies. The world would be a better place if everyone invested their time into science rather than religion. Oh and fun article Jim!
  • csmirk - October 7, 2010 4:48 p.m.

    the people in yellow hoods and green masks from dead rising

Showing 1-20 of 109 comments

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