You talkin to me? Gamings 15 best living weapons

What else would you use a unicorn for?

There are many types of living weapons. Some crack inane one-liners like annoying 80s comedians, while others exhibit all the consciousness of particularly dangerous houseplants. Some are traditional--think immortal swords imbued with the spirits of demons--and some improvised, like a makeshift, rabid-badger chainsaw.

Whatever the case, if its sentient and kills things then its got a place on this list. Without further ado, here are gamings 15 most bizarre living weapons.

The K9000 Cyberdog Gun from Fallout: New Vegas

The K9000 Cyberdog Gun is more than a gun powered by the brain of a dog. Its taken on distinctly canine characteristics. Mounted to the weapon are two metallic ears, which move excitedly when the gun fires, as well as a sense sniffer. It sounds like a dog, too, even whining when unequipped. Its the closest youll get to starring in one of those coming home videos where a loving pooch greets a returning soldier, because youre not brave enough to be a soldier and no one will ever love you.

Having it in your possession triggers various comical reactions, like robotic brain-bot Dr Klein worrying the K9000 will "hump his chassis." One of New Vegas rarest weapons, the K9000 is part of the Old World Blues DLC. You can obtain it in two ways: either loot it from the X-12 Research Centre, or talk to the think-tanks at Big MT and pass a guns skill-check of 50.

The Badger Saw from Postal 3

Dont let The Wind in the Willows fool you--badgers are vicious. This is a blighter from the same family as polecats, weasels, and wolverines. Their skulls have evolved in such as way that its near impossible for their jaws to dislocate, allowing them to remorselessly maintain a bite until they either die or get bored and wander off. Postal 3 pays the fearsome four-legged omnivore due reverence, letting you carry around a rabid, overgrown badger so that it can maul anyone dumb enough to piss off someone carrying a rabid, overgrown badger.

Your character will sometimes shout "Badger! Badger! Badger! Mushroom! Mushroom!", in reference to the deeply modern viral video. Which is now over a decade old. Nice and relevant, then.

Half-Lifes buggy Hivehand

The Hivehand, also known as the Hornet Gun, is a living assault rifle that spews out multitudes of tiny living organisms. These bio bullets intelligently seek out hostiles, pursuing them around corners like a particularly dedicated picnic wasp. Ammo is infinite too, seeing as the weapon can produce them on the fly (wait, was that a pun? Uh, yes. Yes, I meant that. Continue). The Hivehand went through many iterations, and its final design heavily borrows from a cut weapon dubbed the Alien Organic Chainsaw, which was kind of like a giant wearable Venus fly trap.

Its not Half-Lifes only dance with living weaponry. Oversized termite-like Snarks act as homing grenades, even making a beeline for Gordon if there are no enemies around. Their idle animations see Freeman tease it with his finger and almost get it chomped off in the process. Half-Lifes expansion, Opposing Force, introduces the Shock Roach (an electric insectoid appendage), Spore Launcher (an infant Shock Roach that purrs cutely) and Barnacle Grapple (can latch on to humans and scenery).

Soul Calibur and Soul Edge from the Soulcalibur series

Soul Edge is the primary antagonist of the Soulcalibur series, and thats saying a lot when competition for the title includes axe-wielding mega men, stab-happy zombie pirates, and freaky gimp contortionists with Wolverine claws. Its powered by the soul of Inferno, who acts as a parasite, feeding off the swords wielder. According to legend, Soul Edge turns red after witnessing too much bloodshed, similar to how flamingoes go pink because of their all-shrimp diets. The Hero King Algol, wanting to counter its power, created a holy blade from its purified shards--the blade known as Soul Calibur.

Though the design of both weapons vary, this is routinely a crystalline construction as opposed to Soul Edge, which often sports angry tumours and a gross-out eye. While Soul Edge is parasitic, eating the healthbar of its owner during fights, Soul Calibur is symbiotic, regenerating health but dealing less damage. In Soulcalibur V, Soul Calibur has a physical manifestation called Elysium. In Voldo's ending of Soulcalibur IV, meanwhile, not only does Soul Edge talk, but it's voiced by actor Yuri Lowenthal--aka Ben 10.

Bioshocks Plasmids and Vigors

In the first two Bioshocks, the Insect Swarm Plasmid unleashes hundreds of suicidal bees at enemies, damaging and temporarily distracting them. In Bioshock Infinite, this is replaced by the Hitchcockian Murder of Crows Vigor, which functions similarly but sounds infinitely cooler and allows me to use the word Hitchcockian.

Plasmids are special serums made from ADAM that mutate users. Active Plasmids require EVE for use, while passive Plasmids, called Gene Tonics, provide an effect merely by being equipped. Vigors, meanwhile, were made by businessman Jeremiah Fink who made them drinkable by way of an oxidizing agent. Some werent fit for public consumption. Take the marketing blackboard in Bioshock Infinite which details failed vigors. Under the Amnesia Vigor, which makes the drinker forget everything they know, some ads man writes, How do you plan to sell this dud?! Then theres the Plant Peeper Vigor to read the inner thoughts of your houseplant (marketing note: No demand for this type of product) and Dead Ringer to re-animate dead loved ones and pets (marketing note: No one wants a moldy puppy!).

Fi from Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

When the first piece of concept art came through for Skyward Sword, people were immediately suspicious. Why, the tip of Links sword looks like a particularly pointy blue head, they said. This wasnt mentalism, because it was exactly that--specifically, the head of a spirit called Fi. After Fi appears to Link in his dreams foretelling him of his destiny, she guides him to the Statue of the Goddess and bids him to draw the Goddess Sword (later tempered into the Master Sword) from its pedestal. Since Fi resides within the Master Sword, and the Master Sword appears in every Zelda game, you could make a case for her as a major recurring character.

Fi functions as Links guide like a Navi or Midna type, essentially a device through which Nintendo communicates to the player directly. She divulges enemy weaknesses and the time of your current play session, gives advice on the next objective, offers event summaries, and can even scan for treasure. And Fi isnt even the only sword spirit in the game; the evil Ghirahim is her emo-haired counterpart, turning into a mighty black blade during particularly bleak days.

The live ammunition from Oddworld: Strangers Wrath

The ever frugal Stranger rifles through natures bountiful ammo store to enact his titular Wrath, grabbing any and all animals and stuffing them into his crossbow as they sit there giving him the stink eye. Fire a Bolamite spider, for instance, to wrap foes in thick webbing. The cutesy Fuzzles, meanwhile, are essentially deadly mines. ThudSlugs are like one-hit KO riot pellets, and Stunks explode into clouds of noxious green gas that cause anyone caught in it to throw up violently.

All things furry, spiky, and otherwise fit into three ammo categories. The immobilization set is used to deplete an enemy's stamina for crowd control or live-capture bounty hunting. Theres straightforward damage-dealing, good for bounties who need not necessarily be turned in alive. And theres trap/lure, which can kite enemies into certain positions and imprison them. Each creature has an upgrade, too. Stunkz become electrified Spark Stunkz, pulling groups of enemies together. Combine this with the upgraded form of the explosive Boombat to blast them all together. Mixing and matching your unfortunate ammo cache is key to wrathful victory.

Honedge, Doublade, and Aegislash from Pokemon

"Apparently this Pokmon is born when a departed spirit inhabits a sword," reads the Pokedex entry for Honedge. "It attaches itself to people and drinks their life force. If anyone dares to grab its hilt, it wraps a blue cloth around that person's arm and drains that person's life energy completely." Terrifying. It evolves into Doublade at level 35, which itself evolves into Aegislash when exposed to a Dusk Stone.

The idea behind these Pokemon comes from the folklorish Japanese concept of tsukumogami, in which objects forgotten by their owners become animate. Animator Hitoshi Arigas creation also contain hints of the Tyrfing, a magic sword of Norse mythology that was cursed by dwarves to kill someone whenever it was drawn (again, terrifying). Visually, these Pokemon combine the two inspirations, looking equal parts eastern jian sword and western viking sword. Some potentially earth-shattering, potentially meaningless trivia for you: no other Pokemon shares the same type combination as these guys, a unique ghost/steel type.

Shadows of the Damneds Johnson

In Suda51s action-horror Shadows of the Damned, Johnson is many things to protagonist Garcia Hotspur: shape-shifting firearm, rad motorbike, sassy talking skull who speaks like a slightly more belligerent J.A.R.V.I.S. from Iron Man. According to his biography, hes a demon with a taste for strawberries, and regularly frequents the red light district in the City of the Damned. Well, he did until he was cursed and banished for being a dick. Now hes Garcias tour guide, transport, and weapon rolled into one.

Johnson, you see, has several functions. As a firearm he morphs into the Boner revolver (snigger), Teether machine gun (tee hee) and Monocussioner shotgun, while melee mode morphs include a rock-hard scepter. Hes even been known to rap, at one point donning a pair of headphones and rolling out rhymes like: "Demon keeps dreaming of a demon town, motherf***er bi**h f**k s**t went down." Hey, no-one said they were good rhymes.

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