Winner: Dead or Alive Xtreme 2
Tecmo | Xbox 360
Eyes up here, DOA. Just because we enjoy watching the occasional busty and bouncy beauty romp around the beach in a skimpy swimming outfit does not mean that we don't have a brain, or know how to use it.
It's like you don't even respect us anymore... giving us a game full of gorgeous girls, but no gameplay, and thinking we'll be satisfied. Sure, we admit that we've always played for the titillating voyeurism, but believe it or not, we also played your previous installments for the focus on fighting and volleyball. Now we're supposed to make our own fun by playing dress up, snapping photographs or engaging in such stimulating physical activities as tanning, pool splashing and sleeping in? All of which control poorly and lose what little appeal they have after a few minutes?
Sorry DOA, but if you think that an endless swath of skin and a pair of shiny new, pathetically weak toys are all it's going to take to win our love and affection, you're sadly mistaken. And we're seriously insulted.
Collateral Damage: Reservoir Dogs
Eidos | PS2, Xbox, PC
Quentin Tarantino wasn't involved in this adaptation of his watershed gangster flick, and neither was the movie's cast - except for Michael "Will Growl for Food" Madsen, of course. So what's left for fans to gnaw on? Not much, aside from a bunch of uninteresting new story bits tied together by a shooter that's just 25 to Life with a fresh coat of paint. Boo to that. Have you no respect at all for the license?