Google+

GamesRadar Ultimate Character Battle! - Day 2

FROM: Okami/Super Mario series

Amaterasu surprises Mario in a church, where he’s urinating on a nun he’s beaten unconscious with a giant crucifix. She attempts to paint a mustache on his face, but is paralyzed by indecision when she realizes he’s already got one. Literally paralyzed, because her indecision is just that strong. She has to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair. A dog wheelchair. Mario wins, even though he didn't actually do anything in this fight except take off his shirt and strangle a kitten with one hand while punching your mother in the face with the other.


FROM: Lego Indana Jones: The Original Adventures/Pokémon series

Indiana Jones, made of Legos or not, is a seasoned adventurer with plenty of experience getting away from nastier things than a Charizard. Unfortunately, he's still made of Legos, and Charizard can breathe fire. Indy barely has time to form an alarmed expression before Charizard melts him into a little pile of rainbow-colored glop.


FROM: Disgaea/Gears of War

Marcus is smitten by his first sight of a woman. Gathering his courage, he nervously shuffles up to Etna and asks her out to the dance, at which point he immediately wets his steel trousers. He runs away crying, confused by these unfamiliar feelings. Etna has taught Marcus how to feel again, and in doing so has earned her advancement to the next round.


FROM: Half-Life series/Mortal Kombat series

Gordon’s just a regular guy with a crowbar, but Sub-Zero has non-regular guy abilities, so he would totally win. Because he can make ice and stuff. Kind of like an ice maker.

After mixing superior cocktails, Sub-Zero wins.


FROM: Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!/Halo series

While Tyson doesn’t have any guns, Master Chief’s biggest weakness is being hit on the head with things, because as Halo has taught us, the butts of guns do 20 times the damage of bullets. Tyson strolls up to Master Chief nonchalantly and punches him with the force of thirty guns fired by semi-trucks. He hits Chief so hard, in fact, that his helmet flies off and everyone can see how pale and skinny he is, with zits and taped-up glasses and a massive overbite. Mike Tyson wins. Also, nobody was raped.

12 comments

  • SerpentineZERO - May 4, 2011 3:21 a.m.

    God, that Simon Cowell vs WCC entry still cracks me the hell up.
  • skyguy343 - August 15, 2010 7:12 a.m.

    Somehow I know that Editor 4 in the Ulala vs. Simba battle was Chris Antista.
  • skyguy343 - September 23, 2008 12:55 a.m.

    mega man lost...
  • spoonner - August 31, 2008 3:24 p.m.

    Um... Where's the third one?
  • Godmode990 - September 18, 2009 6:24 a.m.

    Crash Bandicoot wins ROFLMAO
  • Hellhunter97 - September 17, 2009 10:37 p.m.

    How did Master Chief lose to a guy who doesnt have guns. he could like shoot his head off or crush him with the grav hammer. HALO RULEZ
  • fatcat275 - May 19, 2009 5:46 a.m.

    i am forever in your debt KTUOS. Until I forget about your valiant deed.
  • KTUOS - January 22, 2009 10:35 p.m.

    To be helpful here the html for part 3 http://www.gamesradar.com/f/gamesradar-ultimate-character-battle-day-3/a-20080702114148770029
  • Awesomeforthemasses - September 17, 2009 7:22 p.m.

    (snif) why did you have kill Okami twice?
  • Narudude360 - June 25, 2009 11:47 p.m.

    I really hope I forget... what was I talking about? What is my password? Oh crap! I have to leave this one page open for the rest of my life but the power is going out but I am using a laptop but the internet is suffering and I might lose battery power soon and... what?
  • Elfangor01 - May 31, 2009 3:40 a.m.

    The Link Fugue state is my favorite fight next to the *SPOILERZZZ!!!!!!* Hulk somehow killing the internet.
  • evildevil2 - December 13, 2008 11:52 p.m.

    Mega-man and master chief lost...what the !@$&*$&^*)!&*^_(*$^!(^$%(*!is wrong with you please why god, why!

Showing 1-12 of 12 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000