Games you can't play in front of your girlfriend

Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball
Available on: Xbox, Xbox 360 (sequel)


Based on the Dead or Alive fighting series that put the bounce in video game breasts, Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball gives their heroines a much needed vacation. Free to tan at their leisure on a tropical resort, the buxom babes will take part in a smorgasbord of minigames and lots of average volleyball. But with a ridiculous 100 swimsuits to unlock, the game is mostly about ogling skin.

Still, those critics in their ivory towers love to trash works of art like Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball with their fancy pants college degrees and verbal wit. They use obtuse terms like "mediocre gameplay" or "insipid premise" to justify giving a masterpiece like this a six out of ten. Average Joes like us know that there's nothing more relaxing than settling down to some soft-core volleyball play with the soothing sounds of the ocean playing in the background.

Why you can't be caught playing this:
Trust us. You'll be sleeping on the couch with your Kasumi body pillow if she finds you admiring out Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball's breast physics engine. But that's nothing compared to what'll happen if your guy friends ever find out about your shameful crush. You can look forward to being the butt of a variety of jokes involving you and Lara Croft for years to come.

Similar offender:
Rumble Roses XX (360)

You could almost get away with saying "hey baby, it's a wrestling game," were it not for the astonishingly revealing "Humiliation" moves that pretzel-bend your opponent into severely compromising positions. Beware: watching scantily clad women slapping and hugging each other while you grip a vibrating controller is a one-way ticket back to bachelorism in nearly every household we surveyed.

1 comment

  • spartan_n30 - June 26, 2009 5:21 p.m.

    no male gamer can resist buying doaxbv. why? cause otherwise what other game could we play to have a excuese to stare at digital women?

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