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Games you can't play in front of your girlfriend

The Sims
Available on: PS2, Xbox, PC, GC, Mac, everything else...


Rundown:
The remarkably successful SimCity franchise gave birth to a down-sized version of the game focusing on a single household instead of the massive civil-engineering of its predecessors. The Sims, originally available on only the PC and Macintosh platforms, quickly eclipsed SimCity (and later, everything else) in its popularity due mostly to its broad appeal and user-friendly interface.

Managing individuals and holding their hands through their daily lives may not sound addictively paralytic, but through clever emotional responses (like having characters jump up and down while clutching their groin to indicate their bathroom needs), The Sims shackled millions of gamers on a variety of platforms. Billed as a "life-development simulator," this game offers complete control over each individual in a household, right down to whether they eat or sleep. Building and modifying housing and purchasing new toys for your sims round out the total package of this simulator. In our offices, it remains the only videogame ever to prod a roomful of grown men to argue over bathroom wallpaper.

Why you can't be caught playing this:
We don't like to throw around generalizations, but what do you think happens when girlfriend and fully-realized, living dollhouse collide? We'll tell you: you never touch your keyboard again. Many a gaming guy's relationship has ended due to infidelity with a Sim-ulated Don Juan... or whole family of them. You think you spent a lot of time playing Counter Strike or Grand Theft Auto? Son, you have no idea how much time can be dedicated to gaming until you have witnessed first-hand a woman in the throes of playing The Sims. Yes, there's a chance your lady's actually not into decorating and clothes and relationships (modern women and all that) - but it's slim. Like, Nicky Hilton slim. Don't tempt fate.



Similar Offender:
LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (PS2, Xbox, 360, GC, PSP, DS, PC)

First off, if a lady sees you playing this game, she will be compelled to comment on how cute the characters look. Following that, she will most likely sit down beside you and marvel at the delightfully adorable character animations. At this point you are lost, because in the third phase, the girl will chew through the bones of your arm to release the controller so that she can play. Your cries of agony will not be heard as her ears will have become deaf to everything save the whistles and beeps of her new cuddle-bug, R2-D2. This game is especially dangerous given that it is available on every modern gaming platform. Worst of all, it's terribly fun and, therefore, difficult to avoid buying for yourself. No male gamer is safe.

1 comment

  • spartan_n30 - June 26, 2009 5:21 p.m.

    no male gamer can resist buying doaxbv. why? cause otherwise what other game could we play to have a excuese to stare at digital women?

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