Red Faction might be getting turned into a TV show. Which almost certainly means we'll soon be seeing a space opera made on a shoestring budget filled with Z-listers, using paper mache aliens as extras. Even if the show does get mega money chucked at it, with James Cameron attached to direct, it got us thinking about other games that would make awesome low budget sci-fi shows. So we knocked up a few in Photoshop for any interested studio execs.
Mass Effect: With a Vengeance
Starring Luke 'F*ck-you-if-you-thought-my-career-was-dead' Perry, the woman 'who's name-we-cant-remember-but-played-Seven-of-Nine-in-Star-Trek' and some dude in a cheap alien suit, HBO:Straight to Video Productions is proud to present the television event of the space-time continuum. Based on the popular video game, the TV series will deal with Shepard's eternal battle with his hair product... and probably some shit about aliens or something. Oh, and it's definitely not filmed in a car park with a dodge ball hanging on a string being passed off as an alien planet in the background.
Fallout: A Father's Tale
Featuring Liam Neeson's one-eyed second cousin in a breakthrough role, comes the story of what the Vault Dweller's dad did during all those long, lonely years on the road. In what critics are calling 'a only partially f*cking dreadful performance', viewers will see Neeson battle space mutants (if we can knock a few cheap costumes together). Get the chance to follow the search for his son. And they'll even get to see him grapple with crippling bowel diseases, as he drinks loads of toxic water.
Half-Life: The Radiation Years
It's the comeback Honey I Shrunk the Kids fans have been waiting for, as Rick Moranis makes his eagerly awaited return. Joined by a stellar cast, including Brent Spiner (who's definitely not playing the same part as in Independence Day), the show will follow Freeman's desperate struggle for justice, peace and the love of a good woman. But... eh, seeing as we couldn't afford to build a giant robot for DOG, viewers will have to make do with an actual dog. Yeah, and it's definitely not being filmed in the same car park as Mass Effect, either.
Sexy Halo Wars
Andromeda's Kevin Sorbo joins an award-winning ensemble, as he takes the fight to the Covenant and under-sexed housewives all across the galaxy. With that 'kinda-hot-ten-years-ago' women from Stargate, you'll get a whole new look at the Chief... mainly around the crotch area. Will he conquer his ultimate nemesis (a Brute played by that albino gorilla you've seen on Google images)? You'll have to tune in at sex... eh, six o'clock Sunday evening to find out.
Earthworm Jim's Space Countryside Adventures
Shot on a modest budget, this ambitious student project has been given the green light. And will soon appear on a crappy cable channel at four in the morning for all unemployed, sexless men to enjoy. Using cutting edge special effects (that are almost positively not an actual worm with googly eyes taped to it), the series is set to break new ground in the sci-fi genre. Will Jim get the girl? Will he defeat his evil bovine nemesis? Will the sticky tape on his eyes hold out for 22 mins? All these questions will be answered soon.
Apr 27, 2010