Is Mario doomed to a life lived exclusively in pixeldom? In 1993, the answer should have been “yes.” Why 1993? That was the year the Super Mario Bros. movie was unleashed upon the world.
Ah, December! Despite being home to torturous holiday shopping, rampant sickness and some of the most inhospitable living conditions, it’s routinely held up as “the most wonderful time of the year.” Maybe, if you ignore the pounds of snow, record-breaking cold snaps and general anxiety that stems from attempting to exist in a world slathered in ice.
How many times in your life have you pressed “A” on a NES controller? Though we may not specifically remember every single occurrence of A-button pressage, we are left with a lingering sense of what that little red dynamo could do. Jumping, mostly, and sometimes shooting or punching or maybe some other stuff if it was one of those weird games.
Where are the flying cars? For years, our science fiction promised us that in the 21st century, we’d all be zipping around the country with speed and style in shiny hovering vehicles. Sadly, we all know how that turned out. It sure seems like we were made the same kinds of promises about our “next generation” of sports games too.
So you didn’t have a Halloween costume this year. Boo hoo. Well, GamesRadar will come to the rescue yet again. All you need is some paper and a printer (and some scissors to cut out the eye holes), and you’ve got yourself a quick last-minute Halloween costume in, well, a minute! You’ll be the star of party. Or you’ll just be laughed at
It’s comforting, isn’t it? Though our hobby is famous for igniting stupid flame wars and for inspiring stubborn fanboy bias, all gamers – no matter what their console or genre preference – can agree on, and rally around, one unassailable truth. Party games suck.
One reason we like games is that the stakes are high. The good guys are really good, the bad guys are really bad, and the princesses are really doe-eyed. But sometimes, games manage to work in villains that operate in shades of gray… and other times, they accidentally make a villain out of the most sympathetic guy in the story.
Game developers are wrong about 90% of everything 83% of the time. I know, because I’m a super-expert on facts. My dad invented facts. So hold on to your sugary carbonated bevorage, uncross your legs and take your left hand off your face, because I'm about to drop a straight-up 10-megaton truth bomb on this bitch. All the subjective bullshit and “artistic license” that game designers cower behind is polluting the hard facts...
Since time immemorial, mankind has gazed upon missiles and secretly thought, “Hey, that’d be fun to ride.” For whatever perverse reason, the idea of straddling or surfing on what amounts to a blazing rocket engine packed with deadly explosives is wildly fascinating to just about everyone, particularly if someone else does it.
In a medium full of perfect teeth, washboard stomachs and breasts that have their own gravitational pull, it’s rare to see characters with disabilities. But they do exist… and they’ve done some badass things. Be it killing gods, eating hardened soldiers or even creating the Nintendo universe; being physically challenged never got in the way of this bunch’s fun.
Disabled and deadly in: Metal Gear Solid 3: