Shaming you silly in: Fahrenheit
There’s no doubt that Fahrenheit was an innovative game when it was released in 2005. Combining a compelling, believable narrative with some gripping QTE-style cut scenes, it really did feel like an interactive movie. Still, for all of its character nuance and depth it wasn’t above a bit of sexy sex. And the bit where the two main protagonists start to go at it like a couple of drunk, horny teens on prom night is fairly explicit for a videogame.
WARNING: The following scene contains partial nudity. Don't watch if you have an aversion to digital nipples
Above: Here’s the big ‘romantic’ scene. Just like Sixteen Candles, eh? Erm, except with zombie sex instead of candles
What makes it really disturbing, though, is one of the characters, Lucas, is clearly a living corpse by the time they start bumping uglies on the back of a freezing cargo train. Although it’s nothing you won’t have seen in some good old fashioned family softcore, you still wouldn’t want to share it with your nearest and dearest.
Possible excuse: No, it’s not a needless flashing of flesh. The world is about to end, so zombie sex is clearly integral to the plot. They need to respawn the Earth with little undead nippers after all.
Shaming you silly in: GTA IV
Going to a gentleman’s establishment for a private showing in past GTAs was certainly not something you wanted someone walking in on. But, played on a small enough TV, the blurry, low-def graphics might just have seen you get away with it. Unfortunately, the HD era, with its reasonably-priced leviathan LCD screens and crystal clear next-gen graphics, means there’s no hiding those high-def, thong-clad cheeks.
WARNING: The video below features hard-coded women gyrating all sexy and provocative like
Above: The most expensive treatment in the Triangle Club is fine and all. But, for these kinds of prices, would it kill someone to bring us a Sprunk?
The backroom in IV’s Pink Triangle Club even has different levels of service, which include girl-on-girl grotty goings on if Niko’s feeling flush. We’d suggest staying away from the place all together to save any potential embarrassment. How about a nice game of darts instead?
Possible excuse: This is really not what it looks like. I’m actually chasing up a lead. I’m trying to find that special someone. In a, erm…strip club…with a lap dance…in a private room in the back. Look, it’s a legitimate investigation, OK?
Shaming you silly in: Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Where to start with Larry? There’s an absolute rafter of raunchy escapades you’d never live down if you were caught controlling gaming’s most pronounced perv. Be it panty raids, playing Quarters – where you have to get impressionable girls drunk - or enough sleaze to make even Ron Jeremy blush.
Above: Country legend Willie Nelson is mentioned numerous times in this charming conversation. Must…highlight…penis…innuendo
Steering sperm through ‘hot spots’ while trying to chat girls up has to take the carnal cake, though. And you’d be hard pressed to argue the cultural and artistic merit of games if anyone caught you controlling Larry’s best swimmers.
Possible Excuse: Eh, it’s a clever and ironic take on the post-modern dating scene? Nah, you’re right. I’m just a lonely person.
Shaming you silly in: World of Warcraft
It may be the most popular MMORPG on the planet, holding the Guinness World Record for the most monthly subscribers of any game, but you still don’t want anyone to know you play it. It might be a life-swallowing doze of RPG nirvana, but being caught trying to level up your Draenei at three in the morning is never going to be a proud moment, is it?
Above: The effect prolonged exposure to WOW is having on the innocent youth of today
Possible Excuse: Look this is just as normal as going for a few drinks or a game of pool. I mean, 16 million people can’t be wrong, can they? Can they?!
Now that we've aired some gaming shames, what about the rest of you? Why not share your personal moments of toe-curling gaming embarrassment below?
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