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Game characters that time forgot

Memory Dump: Voluntary decapitation head juggling multiple head swapping opportunity goldmine for giving head jokes inspired stage theatre puppet show backdrops film-referencing level names awesome wind-up robots stage-light health indicators huge pink clockwork dog digitised Tchaikovsky not too keen on the platform bits but worth giving head for the boss fights alone.

Best (and only) Game: Dynamite Headdy (Genesis/Mega Drive, 1994)

Current Status: Giving head on Virtual Console.

Memory dump: Historically inaccurate more caveman than ninja baby dinosaur killing charge attack spinning arm piranha plant plagiarising stone wheel chucking hairy bearded Neanderthals two-player friendly-fire enabled bodacious humour peace-sign throwing savages cave babe rescuing cave dudes.

Best Game: Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja (Genesis/Mega Drive, 1991)

Current Status: Very extinct.

Memory Dump: Self-proclaimed a-maze-ing veggie friendly monochrome block moving puzzle solver labyrinth navigator painfully hip corporate bankrupt of character ideas designed food thing in sneakers buddy of Sass the Squash lover of Tammy Tomato surprisingly good despite all the aforementioned.

Best Game: Kwirk (Game Boy, 1989)

Current Status: Ketchup.

 
Memory dump: Cartoon disturbing limb-launching buzz-saw morphing flea fighting sinister boss music FTW never could finish the game spin jumping angry eyebrows hooded harmonica playing flag waving amputee offending hopping on one leg hilarity Rayman never left his appendages hanging on a coat hanger 16-bit weirdness.

Best (and only) Game: Plok (SNES, 1993)

Current Status: Legless. Armless. Faceless. Gone.

Memory dump: Planet saving serial orb killing height bonus seeking creepy digitised speech spinning to bonus area drawing-board cast-off revisited pretty much looks just like Sonic wearing a star mask anyway elastically armed acrobatic classic happy-happy Sega fizzy pop colour binge gaming.

Best Game: Ristar (Genesis/Mega Drive, 1995)

Current Status: Burning dimly on VC and old-school Sega compilations.


Memory dump: Rudely satisfying futuristic shoot robots dead putting the power into power-ups screen-shaking stroboscopic explosions inexplicable disco level lame mode jet booted multi-morphing turning into train car fish incredible wet my pants animation badass envelope pushing leap forward benchmark in seasick green orbular droid gaming history.

Best game: Vectorman 2 (Genesis/Mega Drive, 1996)

Current Status: Passing the days on UK VC now. Passing the days on US VC soon.

Memory Dump: Semi-naked dragon monster snail slayer arcade coin-gobbler skateboarding stone hammer throwing sword slashing fruit gobbling egg cracking hyper-coloured sprite paradise smoking pigs green-haired girlfriend tricky jumping actually called Tom-Tom Sega mascot.

Best Game: Wonder Boy III: The Dragon's Trap (Sega Master System, 1989)

Current Status: Another refugee of the past that has found shelter on Virtual Console and Sega compilations.

Sept 11, 2008


The Top 7... forgotten sequels
You loved the original - do you even remember the follow-up?


Kick-ass powers that game characters forgot they had
They're oh so badass in the cutscenes, but once you're in control? Useless!

55 comments

  • SenorSlaughter - December 1, 2010 7:09 a.m.

    Did anyone else notice that in the under water level, Vector man turns into a dildo rocket?
  • Lu1SS3 - February 16, 2010 9:50 p.m.

    I hav3 all of th3m in jUSt 1 d1Sc
  • FanofSaiyan - January 31, 2010 6 p.m.

    So true about Battletoads and Kroc. Old wounds heal slow...
  • robotechandnarutosucks - January 21, 2010 12:40 a.m.

    all of these are childish and stupid.
  • Franjman - October 24, 2009 8:59 p.m.

    Wonder boy is a frikin fairy wtf kind of person makes up a super hero like that.
  • TheHiphopopotamus - October 29, 2008 12:17 a.m.

    What about Shinobi?!?!? On the Mega Drive...Shinobi 1 was the best BY FAR. On the old 9 in 1 on the Sega. Best thing ever. Streets of Rage, Golden Axe and Shinobi. And that world cup competition. So amazing.
  • NEOGILLZ - September 18, 2008 1:24 a.m.

    I dont remimber eny of thes stoopid games!!!!!
  • cazza7912 - September 14, 2008 5:04 a.m.

    omg alex kidd is a gun! what happened? lol i remember playing his games when i was younger.
  • crazyqazqaz - September 13, 2008 5:02 p.m.

    Woah there!! What the hell happened to full stops and commas?? Not one of your better ideas G.R. - youneedtosortoutyourgrammar!! LOL!!
  • georgeguy - September 13, 2008 11:29 a.m.

    is wonder boy gay??
  • Alcyones - September 13, 2008 3:41 a.m.

    Oh man , awesome memories are rushing through my mind !
  • Pizzahead910 - September 13, 2008 12:54 a.m.

    Vector Man , Croc...good times.
  • fearzinger - September 12, 2008 11:27 p.m.

    dude , croc was dope.
  • Johnny6Gun - September 12, 2008 8:41 p.m.

    Kwirk! Star of the Power Team, from the forgotten Video Power gaming show from the early 90's! If you thought Captain N was shit, look that up. Me-ouch!
  • Pencil&Eraser - September 12, 2008 8:07 p.m.

    *site Wow, I fail.
  • Pencil&Eraser - September 12, 2008 8:06 p.m.

    Matt Cundy must never write any articles on this sight ever again until he finishes fourth grade english.
  • onlyregisteredtopostthis - September 12, 2008 5:28 p.m.

    "This article is dedicated to some of the game characters that deserved more (except Croc)" I'm sorry... do I owe you money or something? Nic.
  • jayson_90210 - September 12, 2008 6:44 a.m.

    Ahh, Alundra, great game but hard, still sitting pride of place on my games shelf, might dust it off but gonna look terrible on an HDTV i reckon
  • smallberry - September 12, 2008 6:26 a.m.

    I completely forgot Battletoads! Loved it.
  • Elbo444 - September 12, 2008 5:53 a.m.

    D: I've never heard of any of these, and I don't see why everyone is b*tching about the layout, I see nothing wrong with it

Showing 1-20 of 55 comments

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