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Game babes: A history



The era: About five years ago

The games: Final Fantasy X, Beyond Good & Evil, Silent Hill 3, GTA III and Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball

The babes: Yuna, Jade, Heather, some hookers and the entire cast of DOAX

Stage in evolution: Well now. Throw in a few million extra triangles and the vaguely feminine constructs from before start to look a lot like real women, eh? Lara Croft fell off the edge of the world, making way for the tasteful likes of Yuna and Jade, two damn-near normal-looking girls who stand out both in terms of design, capability and sex appeal. Heather still comes across as one of the most believable girls in all of gaming. No training, no slinky outfit, just a normal girl in normal clothes. She a combination of two girls' spirits sprinkled with a touch of godhood, but otherwise, yeah, she's normal.

GTA III brought us gameplay innovations that are still in heavy rotation today. It also forced us to stare at the ugliest humanoid figures we'd seen in years, female or otherwise. Granted, all that processing power was used for the city and actual gameplay, but we just had to mention the ham-fisted beasts that Rockstar passed off as people.

Then there's DOAX, the world's first "legitimate" cheesecake video game. Already known for having the most top-heavy fighters in the world, DOA took the fight to the beach, replaced said "fight" with "slightly nude volleyball" and managed to pass it off as a pseudo lesbian slumber party. DOAX represented the pinnacle of boob tech, including bouncy physics that made each breast act as if it were being fondled by a seizuring invisible man.

Witness gaming's only M-rated "sports fantasy simulation."

 

The early 2000s saw the biggest leap in female leads, probably due to the fact that the average gamer age jumped to the mid-20s and girls were now playing in force. Still, for every thoughtfully created female lead, there were at least 50 scantily clad piles of eye candy strutting around for the sole purpose of selling games. A poor practice, but damn does it ever work.

What these games taught us: It's OK for a girl to behave like a normal person as long as she later sheds all her clothes and tramps it up (Yuna, we're looking at you).

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14 comments

  • GreatMuerte - September 18, 2010 8:33 p.m.

    NO ONE LOOKS AT THIS ANY MORE AND IM PISSED :)
  • ThePeanutGangsta - July 26, 2010 3:14 a.m.

    well this has certainly been a interesting (despite being extremely disturbing) article. I will probably try some of these games though... just for the *ahem* retro feel and the *ahem* nostalgia.
  • Black_X_1111 - November 23, 2008 11:05 p.m.

    maybe you could call it Top 7 SSB Brawl relationships. And why does every one link Samus and MC together?
  • Sizzler - October 16, 2008 10:15 p.m.

    Oh MY GOSH! I love this article. No more lists :P The Samus Tribute at the end was epic.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - November 19, 2008 10:57 p.m.

    watching the samus aran clip at the end made me think... How about a top 7 article that lists possible crossover relationships between similar protagonists from 2 games? e.g. samus + master chief You'd have to cut down the title though...
  • tcote13 - July 22, 2009 7:58 p.m.

    Dude... Yuna will always be my fantasy game babe. Hands down.
  • Darkdraak21 - April 22, 2009 1:55 a.m.

    Well wouldn't Cortana be pissed if Samus and MC hit it off?
  • triggerhappy - February 25, 2009 3:56 a.m.

    DANG the video are hot girls in vid on page 6
  • RebornKusabi - February 10, 2009 4:29 a.m.

    "And why does every one link Samus and MC together?" Because if they didn't then they would be linking her with Solid Snake or Pit... seriously >_> Go look, there is "artwork" of those two on the net far more than Chief there are of Chief and Samus. Besides, those two would probably hit it off real easy because of multiple reasons- 1) Samus is 6"2' according to canon, John is 7" according to canon, 2) They both fight territorial and highly aggressive aliens, 3) They both wear full-body armor that doesn't show any part of their bodies, 4) They both have sentient A.I. on their sides ect. ect. Gamers are a weird and mysterious species...
  • EnforceTheColeProtocol - April 29, 2009 5:33 p.m.

    lmfao To the power of ten. "But they've got boobs, so it's not all bad."
  • battenfelder - April 27, 2009 3:14 a.m.

    Samus is the best heroine in gaming. she is the one who inspired chicks that kick ass.
  • lawless77 - April 22, 2009 2:24 p.m.

    What? No Cate Archer? Am I the only one out there who thinks she's the ultimate video game heroine?
  • shadowleon - April 5, 2009 6:09 p.m.

    One word NICE
  • RebornKusabi - February 10, 2009 4:33 a.m.

    WOW!!!! I butchered the fuck out of the english language in that message >_> Here it is in better Eglnish (That was on purpose...) "And why does every one link Samus and MC together?" Because if they didn't then [people] would be linking her with Solid Snake or Pit... seriously >_> Go look, there is "artwork" of those [SnakeXSamus or PitXSamus] on the net than there are of Chief and Samus. Gamers are a weird and mysterious species... Besides, those two would probably hit it off real easy because of multiple reasons- 1) Samus is 6"2' according to canon, John is 7" according to canon, 2) They both fight territorial and highly aggressive aliens, 3) They both wear full-body armor that doesn't show any part of their bodies, 4) They both have sentient A.I. on their sides ect. ect.

Showing 1-14 of 14 comments

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