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Game babes: A history



The era: Mid-to-late '90s

The games: Tekken, Battle Arena Tohshinden, Heavy Metal: Geomatrix, Tomb Raider, Resident Evil

The babes: Nina Williams, Sofia, Slash, Lara Croft, Jill Valentine

Stage in evolution: Almost back to a 2600-era level of ugly ambiguity. Polygons and 3D tech finally brought us fully-realized lady shapes, but they looked so, so strange. The first few tries gave us the broad-shouldered Sofia and monstrously misshapen Slash, plus the grotesque Nina Williams. Yes, they were clearly girls and guy gamers, afraid to look uncool by playing old sprite-based games in the '90s, fawned over Nina despite the fact that her jagged chest was sharp enough to pierce Wolverine's adamantium skeleton.

But, as the tech grew, so did the mistresses of gaming. Jill Valentine emerged as perhaps the most sensible design of the period, being both tough and sexy without shedding her clothes at the first sign of trouble. Rough around the polygonal edges, sure, but feminine enough to make fanboys latch on for years to come - same goes for Rinoa from Final Fantasy VIII. And then some Lara Croft girl came along and proved that every girl needs a back-breaking rack to succeed.

What these games taught us: Girls are frightening creatures composed of geometric nightmares. But they've got boobs, so it's not all bad.

14 comments

  • GreatMuerte - September 18, 2010 8:33 p.m.

    NO ONE LOOKS AT THIS ANY MORE AND IM PISSED :)
  • ThePeanutGangsta - July 26, 2010 3:14 a.m.

    well this has certainly been a interesting (despite being extremely disturbing) article. I will probably try some of these games though... just for the *ahem* retro feel and the *ahem* nostalgia.
  • Black_X_1111 - November 23, 2008 11:05 p.m.

    maybe you could call it Top 7 SSB Brawl relationships. And why does every one link Samus and MC together?
  • Sizzler - October 16, 2008 10:15 p.m.

    Oh MY GOSH! I love this article. No more lists :P The Samus Tribute at the end was epic.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - November 19, 2008 10:57 p.m.

    watching the samus aran clip at the end made me think... How about a top 7 article that lists possible crossover relationships between similar protagonists from 2 games? e.g. samus + master chief You'd have to cut down the title though...
  • tcote13 - July 22, 2009 7:58 p.m.

    Dude... Yuna will always be my fantasy game babe. Hands down.
  • Darkdraak21 - April 22, 2009 1:55 a.m.

    Well wouldn't Cortana be pissed if Samus and MC hit it off?
  • triggerhappy - February 25, 2009 3:56 a.m.

    DANG the video are hot girls in vid on page 6
  • RebornKusabi - February 10, 2009 4:29 a.m.

    "And why does every one link Samus and MC together?" Because if they didn't then they would be linking her with Solid Snake or Pit... seriously >_> Go look, there is "artwork" of those two on the net far more than Chief there are of Chief and Samus. Besides, those two would probably hit it off real easy because of multiple reasons- 1) Samus is 6"2' according to canon, John is 7" according to canon, 2) They both fight territorial and highly aggressive aliens, 3) They both wear full-body armor that doesn't show any part of their bodies, 4) They both have sentient A.I. on their sides ect. ect. Gamers are a weird and mysterious species...
  • EnforceTheColeProtocol - April 29, 2009 5:33 p.m.

    lmfao To the power of ten. "But they've got boobs, so it's not all bad."
  • battenfelder - April 27, 2009 3:14 a.m.

    Samus is the best heroine in gaming. she is the one who inspired chicks that kick ass.
  • lawless77 - April 22, 2009 2:24 p.m.

    What? No Cate Archer? Am I the only one out there who thinks she's the ultimate video game heroine?
  • shadowleon - April 5, 2009 6:09 p.m.

    One word NICE
  • RebornKusabi - February 10, 2009 4:33 a.m.

    WOW!!!! I butchered the fuck out of the english language in that message >_> Here it is in better Eglnish (That was on purpose...) "And why does every one link Samus and MC together?" Because if they didn't then [people] would be linking her with Solid Snake or Pit... seriously >_> Go look, there is "artwork" of those [SnakeXSamus or PitXSamus] on the net than there are of Chief and Samus. Gamers are a weird and mysterious species... Besides, those two would probably hit it off real easy because of multiple reasons- 1) Samus is 6"2' according to canon, John is 7" according to canon, 2) They both fight territorial and highly aggressive aliens, 3) They both wear full-body armor that doesn't show any part of their bodies, 4) They both have sentient A.I. on their sides ect. ect.

Showing 1-14 of 14 comments

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