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Game babes: A history

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The era: 1980s

The games: Athena, Guardian Legend, Super Mario Bros., Final Fantasy, Castlevania III

The babes: Athena, Miria, Princess Toadstool, White Mage, Sypha Belnades

Stage in evolution: Vastly improved from the last batch. The fairer sex finally begins to resemble something other than grotesque, naked monsters and, even more startling, lands some seriously macho roles. Athena embarks on a sword-swinging murderquest and Miria, in quite a bold move, saves the galaxy by morphing into a living spaceship.

Still, these powerful examples can't deny the fact that most '80s females were there to be saved or won over. Toadstool (later Peach) allows herself to be kidnapped by an incompetent lizard-man, while the White Mage and Sypha desperately hide their gender so little gamer boys will still want to play as them. Guess that makes sense though, as the target gamer age in this time period, probably around 10 or so, had no desire to get close to a cootie-infested girl.

What these games taught us: Girls are 100% helpless and are abducted often. If they do break out and see the world, they either obscure their feminine attributes or are Transformers.

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14 comments

  • GreatMuerte - September 18, 2010 8:33 p.m.

    NO ONE LOOKS AT THIS ANY MORE AND IM PISSED :)
  • ThePeanutGangsta - July 26, 2010 3:14 a.m.

    well this has certainly been a interesting (despite being extremely disturbing) article. I will probably try some of these games though... just for the *ahem* retro feel and the *ahem* nostalgia.
  • Black_X_1111 - November 23, 2008 11:05 p.m.

    maybe you could call it Top 7 SSB Brawl relationships. And why does every one link Samus and MC together?
  • Sizzler - October 16, 2008 10:15 p.m.

    Oh MY GOSH! I love this article. No more lists :P The Samus Tribute at the end was epic.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - November 19, 2008 10:57 p.m.

    watching the samus aran clip at the end made me think... How about a top 7 article that lists possible crossover relationships between similar protagonists from 2 games? e.g. samus + master chief You'd have to cut down the title though...
  • tcote13 - July 22, 2009 7:58 p.m.

    Dude... Yuna will always be my fantasy game babe. Hands down.
  • Darkdraak21 - April 22, 2009 1:55 a.m.

    Well wouldn't Cortana be pissed if Samus and MC hit it off?
  • triggerhappy - February 25, 2009 3:56 a.m.

    DANG the video are hot girls in vid on page 6
  • RebornKusabi - February 10, 2009 4:29 a.m.

    "And why does every one link Samus and MC together?" Because if they didn't then they would be linking her with Solid Snake or Pit... seriously >_> Go look, there is "artwork" of those two on the net far more than Chief there are of Chief and Samus. Besides, those two would probably hit it off real easy because of multiple reasons- 1) Samus is 6"2' according to canon, John is 7" according to canon, 2) They both fight territorial and highly aggressive aliens, 3) They both wear full-body armor that doesn't show any part of their bodies, 4) They both have sentient A.I. on their sides ect. ect. Gamers are a weird and mysterious species...
  • EnforceTheColeProtocol - April 29, 2009 5:33 p.m.

    lmfao To the power of ten. "But they've got boobs, so it's not all bad."
  • battenfelder - April 27, 2009 3:14 a.m.

    Samus is the best heroine in gaming. she is the one who inspired chicks that kick ass.
  • lawless77 - April 22, 2009 2:24 p.m.

    What? No Cate Archer? Am I the only one out there who thinks she's the ultimate video game heroine?
  • shadowleon - April 5, 2009 6:09 p.m.

    One word NICE
  • RebornKusabi - February 10, 2009 4:33 a.m.

    WOW!!!! I butchered the fuck out of the english language in that message >_> Here it is in better Eglnish (That was on purpose...) "And why does every one link Samus and MC together?" Because if they didn't then [people] would be linking her with Solid Snake or Pit... seriously >_> Go look, there is "artwork" of those [SnakeXSamus or PitXSamus] on the net than there are of Chief and Samus. Gamers are a weird and mysterious species... Besides, those two would probably hit it off real easy because of multiple reasons- 1) Samus is 6"2' according to canon, John is 7" according to canon, 2) They both fight territorial and highly aggressive aliens, 3) They both wear full-body armor that doesn't show any part of their bodies, 4) They both have sentient A.I. on their sides ect. ect.

Showing 1-14 of 14 comments

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