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Fake ass Shark games

Carcharodon: White Sharks

1991

WHAT IS IT?

Shark enthusiasts may recognize the title as reference to Carcharodon carcharias (The Great White!), but any relation to sharks and this forgotten Amiga game ends there. The side-scrolling shooter was regarded as “bland” twenty years ago, and the fact that no one has spoken the name since then just goes to show that capitalizing on sharks can only get you so far.

Above: If you’ve already got the balls to steal from sharks and Metallica, you may as well go for broke 


AT A GOOGLE IMAGE GLANCE

Above: Do not confuse this awesome ass Great White with gameplay! 


OUR BETTER, LITERAL INTERPRETATION

Why not a game starring history’s greatest white sharks?!

Above: Don’t act like you don’t recognize the STREET SHARKS!!! 

Before their genetic transformation, the Bolton Bros were the Saturday Morning embodiment of Caucasian stere-bro-types, thus it’s high time they received their own game. Oh… wouldn’t it be:

Above: The Whitest Sharks U Know! 


Greg Norman's Shark Attack!

1990

WHAT IS IT?

Perhaps the most dastardly and deceptive Shark attribution of all time! To be fair, “eight years of development” and “painstaking 3D modeling” doesn’t mean a whole lot when your final product is still a golf game. And yes, Australian golf pro, Greg Norman had been going by “The Great White Shark” for years despite only representing two thirds of the nickname… But then this asshole had the gall to go buy the domain SHARK.COM! Which, when researching sharks, is the internet equivalent of finding balls on your prostitute.

Above: Absolute Horseshit 


AT A GOOGLE IMAGE GLANCE

Above: Boring white people are boring 


OUR BETTER, LITERAL INTERPRETATION

Above: If anybody had it coming 

Aug 4, 2009



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65 comments

  • Heyexclamationpoint - August 8, 2009 1:07 a.m.

    Not only does Carcharodon steal from sharks and Metallica, but the game box cover looks suspiciously alot like the cover to Iron Maiden's Can I Play With Madness single.
  • Tymiegie - August 7, 2009 6:13 p.m.

    An absolute joy to read about how the great creatures known as sharks have been tainted by puny humans stealing their glory.
  • disturbedanomaly36 - August 6, 2009 3:34 a.m.

    wow, Yu-Gi-Oh, that is a perfect example of shit 2nd grade kiddies buy. i was always made fun of because i didnt have any of those foil picture ass-wipes. now, they falsely acuse me of playing with them. arnt school-bullies dumbf***ers
  • super0sonic - August 5, 2009 11:25 p.m.

    YAY the Shark Flying out of the sewer is the best one!!
  • SaulFidgeonGuy - August 5, 2009 8:09 p.m.

    lol great article liked the white sharks bit, whitest sharks u know! :L but dr.mcninja already beat you to the jawesome joke, check the t-shirt part on the website
  • Csheroe - August 5, 2009 7:06 p.m.

    Awesome. Ha, I wouldn't pay 1.00 for Sewer Shark.
  • Unoriginal - August 5, 2009 2:55 p.m.

    IF sky sharks excisted I'd die happy.
  • TanookiMan - August 5, 2009 1:41 p.m.

    @theschwartzb did that teach you to stop ramming your brother? The Street Sharks show was just a vehicle to sell the toys. I bought em...
  • dante1924 - August 5, 2009 1:30 p.m.

    Wait, that pool shark 3rd image was real? Who the hell puts a shark in their pool? TIGER SHARK!!!!!!!! That carcharodon image has something familiar on it... Holy crap, is that the alien? ReCaptcha: will slovenly
  • FreekinIdiot - August 5, 2009 10:18 a.m.

    My boss just walked past my desk and asked why I was looking at pictures of flaming/flying/sewer dwelling/card tossing sharks... I replied 'Erm, I, er, it's shark week?' Good thing I have my appraisal coming up next week...think I'm going to get a pay increase...
  • HeavyTank - August 5, 2009 8:50 a.m.

    Haha lol sharks rule... They are the coolest sea carnivores and they are the coolset land carnivores (if they are land sharks :P )
  • phoenix_wings - August 5, 2009 6:10 a.m.

    Lol at least now somebody will know who the dude in that contest collage is. Maybe....
  • darkvare - August 5, 2009 3:01 a.m.

    i still have my street shark figure
  • Corsair89 - August 5, 2009 2:10 a.m.

    My God, Street Sharks... Wow, that is unwanted nostaglia. Also, you guys give me another excuse want to kill that bastard JabberJaw.
  • Rattlehead - August 5, 2009 1:08 a.m.

    I might use Communist Jabberjaw as an avatar. Gambit shark was awesome as well
  • RandomIdoit - August 4, 2009 11:17 p.m.

    YU-GI-OH SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • BenL98 - August 4, 2009 10:50 p.m.

    Holly crap the STREET SHARKS!!!! Thought I would never see those guys again.
  • Architek9 - August 4, 2009 9:35 p.m.

    This article is epic win. The red shark part was my favorite I for one welcome our new gilled overlords
  • Terro - August 4, 2009 9:21 p.m.

    I now want a Fire shark for my birthday. Please? Captchat: Silly MC Tim Westwood anyone?
  • lucashintz - August 4, 2009 9:20 p.m.

    Can I also marry this article? Well,if not,I got a nice new avatar from this...

Showing 1-20 of 65 comments

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