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Fake ass Shark games

Don’t get bit by these imposters!

Words: on August 4, 2009
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Red Shark

1982

WHAT IS IT?


Yet another dated helicopter game, only this time, there’s a twist! You’re a pilot from 2010 whisked back to WWII to - yes - kill Nazis, BUT ALSO pull the rug out from under your Russian allies in hopes of making a better, Commie-free six months from now. Either way, you’ll travel from Russia to Egypt with nary a shark to be seen.

Above: Red Shark is such a clever espionage game, it even disguised itself as every PC game made! 


AT A GOOGLE IMAGE GLANCE

Above: The Red Shark 1000D comfortably seats up to six morons 


OUR BETTER, LITERAL INTERPRETATION


OR BETTER STILL!




Pool Shark

1977 – 2003

WHAT IS IT?


Any parlor game with a remote chance of a hustle appears to have no problem misusing the name of these proud predators. Just because some idiot is adept at billiards doesn’t make him “a shark.” Would you call Kobe Bryant a “Basketball Shark?” Of course you wouldn’t! Besides, sharks kill only for food and fun, and very rarely for rent money and airtime on ESPN2.

Above: Daa dum… Daa dum… Oh wait, it’s just some dipshit with a pool cue 


AT A GOOGLE IMAGE GLANCE

Above: The metaphor is, like, there for those who choose to see it, maaan 


OUR BETTER, LITERAL INTERPRETATION

Above: Another win from Google

Related

Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, PC, Wii, DS, PSP, GameCube, Xbox

65 comments

  • Heyexclamationpoint - August 8, 2009 1:07 a.m.

    Not only does Carcharodon steal from sharks and Metallica, but the game box cover looks suspiciously alot like the cover to Iron Maiden's Can I Play With Madness single.

  • Tymiegie - August 7, 2009 6:13 p.m.

    An absolute joy to read about how the great creatures known as sharks have been tainted by puny humans stealing their glory.

  • disturbedanomaly36 - August 6, 2009 3:34 a.m.

    wow, Yu-Gi-Oh, that is a perfect example of shit 2nd grade kiddies buy. i was always made fun of because i didnt have any of those foil picture ass-wipes. now, they falsely acuse me of playing with them. arnt school-bullies dumbf***ers

  • super0sonic - August 5, 2009 11:25 p.m.

    YAY the Shark Flying out of the sewer is the best one!!

  • SaulFidgeonGuy - August 5, 2009 8:09 p.m.

    lol great article liked the white sharks bit, whitest sharks u know! :L but dr.mcninja already beat you to the jawesome joke, check the t-shirt part on the website

  • Csheroe - August 5, 2009 7:06 p.m.

    Awesome. Ha, I wouldn't pay 1.00 for Sewer Shark.

  • Unoriginal - August 5, 2009 2:55 p.m.

    IF sky sharks excisted I'd die happy.

  • TanookiMan - August 5, 2009 1:41 p.m.

    @theschwartzb did that teach you to stop ramming your brother? The Street Sharks show was just a vehicle to sell the toys. I bought em...

  • dante1924 - August 5, 2009 1:30 p.m.

    Wait, that pool shark 3rd image was real? Who the hell puts a shark in their pool? TIGER SHARK!!!!!!!! That carcharodon image has something familiar on it... Holy crap, is that the alien? ReCaptcha: will slovenly

  • FreekinIdiot - August 5, 2009 10:18 a.m.

    My boss just walked past my desk and asked why I was looking at pictures of flaming/flying/sewer dwelling/card tossing sharks... I replied 'Erm, I, er, it's shark week?' Good thing I have my appraisal coming up next week...think I'm going to get a pay increase...

  • HeavyTank - August 5, 2009 8:50 a.m.

    Haha lol sharks rule... They are the coolest sea carnivores and they are the coolset land carnivores (if they are land sharks :P )

  • phoenix_wings - August 5, 2009 6:10 a.m.

    Lol at least now somebody will know who the dude in that contest collage is. Maybe....

  • darkvare - August 5, 2009 3:01 a.m.

    i still have my street shark figure

  • Corsair89 - August 5, 2009 2:10 a.m.

    My God, Street Sharks... Wow, that is unwanted nostaglia. Also, you guys give me another excuse want to kill that bastard JabberJaw.

  • Rattlehead - August 5, 2009 1:08 a.m.

    I might use Communist Jabberjaw as an avatar. Gambit shark was awesome as well

  • RandomIdoit - August 4, 2009 11:17 p.m.

    YU-GI-OH SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • BenL98 - August 4, 2009 10:50 p.m.

    Holly crap the STREET SHARKS!!!! Thought I would never see those guys again.

  • Architek9 - August 4, 2009 9:35 p.m.

    This article is epic win. The red shark part was my favorite I for one welcome our new gilled overlords

  • Terro - August 4, 2009 9:21 p.m.

    I now want a Fire shark for my birthday. Please? Captchat: Silly MC Tim Westwood anyone?

  • lucashintz - August 4, 2009 9:20 p.m.

    Can I also marry this article? Well,if not,I got a nice new avatar from this...

Showing 1-20 of 65 comments

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