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Fake ass Shark games

Card Sharks

1987

WHAT IS IT?

High Low meets Family Feud, in this understandably forgotten game where the cards are just as incidental as sharks.



Above: SHARKS! 

AT A GOOGLE IMAGE GLANCE

First result: A promo for the 1980s Games Show on which the game is based.

OUR BETTER, LITERAL INTERPRETATION




Fire Shark

1990

WHAT IS IT?

Yet another top-down shooter set in WWII, only this time the South Pacific is your playground and your biplane comes equipped with of-the-era lasers!





AT A GOOGLE IMAGE GLANCE

 

In the market for an ugly, high-end laptop? Well, march your ass down to your closest Montgomery Ward, slap a couple grand down on the counter, and scream to the nearest clerk, “Gimme the Toshiba Qosimo X300 Fire Shark, bitch!”

OUR BETTER, LITERAL INTERPRETATION




DCS: Black Shark

2009

WHAT IS IT?

Alas, nowhere in Black Shark’s 488 page manual will you find a single mention of the creatures of the deep from which they stole the name. The first iteration of the Digital Combat Simulation series doesn’t feature sharks, but compensates by painting teeth on a  helicopter.




AT A GOOGLE IMAGE GLANCE

Above: The saddest shark cosplay the world will ever see 


OUR BETTER, LITERAL INTERPRETATION

Above: Is there any problem Yu-Gi-Oh! can’t solve? 

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65 comments

  • Heyexclamationpoint - August 8, 2009 1:07 a.m.

    Not only does Carcharodon steal from sharks and Metallica, but the game box cover looks suspiciously alot like the cover to Iron Maiden's Can I Play With Madness single.
  • Tymiegie - August 7, 2009 6:13 p.m.

    An absolute joy to read about how the great creatures known as sharks have been tainted by puny humans stealing their glory.
  • disturbedanomaly36 - August 6, 2009 3:34 a.m.

    wow, Yu-Gi-Oh, that is a perfect example of shit 2nd grade kiddies buy. i was always made fun of because i didnt have any of those foil picture ass-wipes. now, they falsely acuse me of playing with them. arnt school-bullies dumbf***ers
  • super0sonic - August 5, 2009 11:25 p.m.

    YAY the Shark Flying out of the sewer is the best one!!
  • SaulFidgeonGuy - August 5, 2009 8:09 p.m.

    lol great article liked the white sharks bit, whitest sharks u know! :L but dr.mcninja already beat you to the jawesome joke, check the t-shirt part on the website
  • Csheroe - August 5, 2009 7:06 p.m.

    Awesome. Ha, I wouldn't pay 1.00 for Sewer Shark.
  • Unoriginal - August 5, 2009 2:55 p.m.

    IF sky sharks excisted I'd die happy.
  • TanookiMan - August 5, 2009 1:41 p.m.

    @theschwartzb did that teach you to stop ramming your brother? The Street Sharks show was just a vehicle to sell the toys. I bought em...
  • dante1924 - August 5, 2009 1:30 p.m.

    Wait, that pool shark 3rd image was real? Who the hell puts a shark in their pool? TIGER SHARK!!!!!!!! That carcharodon image has something familiar on it... Holy crap, is that the alien? ReCaptcha: will slovenly
  • FreekinIdiot - August 5, 2009 10:18 a.m.

    My boss just walked past my desk and asked why I was looking at pictures of flaming/flying/sewer dwelling/card tossing sharks... I replied 'Erm, I, er, it's shark week?' Good thing I have my appraisal coming up next week...think I'm going to get a pay increase...
  • HeavyTank - August 5, 2009 8:50 a.m.

    Haha lol sharks rule... They are the coolest sea carnivores and they are the coolset land carnivores (if they are land sharks :P )
  • phoenix_wings - August 5, 2009 6:10 a.m.

    Lol at least now somebody will know who the dude in that contest collage is. Maybe....
  • darkvare - August 5, 2009 3:01 a.m.

    i still have my street shark figure
  • Corsair89 - August 5, 2009 2:10 a.m.

    My God, Street Sharks... Wow, that is unwanted nostaglia. Also, you guys give me another excuse want to kill that bastard JabberJaw.
  • Rattlehead - August 5, 2009 1:08 a.m.

    I might use Communist Jabberjaw as an avatar. Gambit shark was awesome as well
  • RandomIdoit - August 4, 2009 11:17 p.m.

    YU-GI-OH SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • BenL98 - August 4, 2009 10:50 p.m.

    Holly crap the STREET SHARKS!!!! Thought I would never see those guys again.
  • Architek9 - August 4, 2009 9:35 p.m.

    This article is epic win. The red shark part was my favorite I for one welcome our new gilled overlords
  • Terro - August 4, 2009 9:21 p.m.

    I now want a Fire shark for my birthday. Please? Captchat: Silly MC Tim Westwood anyone?
  • lucashintz - August 4, 2009 9:20 p.m.

    Can I also marry this article? Well,if not,I got a nice new avatar from this...

Showing 1-20 of 65 comments

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