2. Link goes back in time - The Ocarina of Time

What happens:
Yes, even the greatest game of all time had one of the biggest pussy partitions as well. Link - the Elvin mute of honorable disposition - defeats Ganondorf after traveling seven years into the future, awakening five sages and claiming the Master Sword. A good deed cannot go unchecked and thusly Zelda whisks Link away to a magical cloud-filled realm, presumably to get busy.

Above: Don’t do it, Link!

Unfortunately, even after saving the mighty kingdom of Hyrule, nice guys finish last. Before Link is about to utter “I want you inside me,” Zelda snatches the ocarina and transports him back in time to live out his youth, without sex and feeling like a douche. Roll credits!

Above: A big tool

Blue Balls:
Say something, Link! Just don’t look at her like an asshole. The ending is criminally unfair and is akin to Zelda kicking Link in the junk for saving the world. At least Tom Hanks wanted to be young again in Big. Link has to spend his whole childhood to reflect how he was this close to banging the resident hottie... nay, royalty. But at least he has some stories to tell if he wants to impress fellow tykes.