What they are: The Xbox 360 Elite.

Why you care: Because you got one and it costs extra.

Just like the jet-black stallion sprinting ahead of the mellow-colored herd (though it can only be ridden by a cowboy with a heart of gold), the black Xbox 360 Elite lets people know you’re better than they are. It also looks cool and comes with a LEGO game or something. The “heart of gold” part of the analogy only applies to the highly-secretive and unmarketable Xbox 360 Superior. 

Why we don’t: Elite 360s aren’t going to get Sonic Unleashed to play like it’s Sonic 1 or 2 any more than the Xbox 360 Regular or even the 360 Less Than Average – or whatever it’s called. When you get down to the parts and processors, they’re the same system and they play the same games. Thankfully, you can download Sonic 1 and 2 with any Xbox.

We know that with an Xbox 360 Elite you get a larger hard drive, HDMI cables and some other accessories that you can buy separately (for less money). But that’s not really why you buy it. You buy it because it looks cool.


Above: Do not look directly at the Xbox 360 Superior




What they are: Everything! Convert your Wii Remotes into tennis rackets, guns, steering wheels or even Wii Remotes that work better. They can also be stacked in a tower for amateur space exploration.



Why you care: …?

Why we don’t: 

 

What they are: The age-old question: are games art?

Why you care: It's fun to put on your Prof. Layton top hat and rant against fear-mongering politicians and fun-hating mothers. Not to mention, it’s a chance to talk about Okami, Shadow of the Colossus, the one where you play as the kid with horns and Castle Crashers. Once you’re done explaining, people will know how worthwhile your hobby is.

Why we don’t: Because, c'mon guys, games are art.

And, yes, there are people who don't think so. But those people are snooty, they aren’t reading our site and we don't care what they think.

Pictures are art, writing is art and music is art, and you're going to have a tough time finding arguments against those. But just in case, here’s a ridiculous analogy: Pablo Picasso, J.D. Salinger and The Beatles are all artists. Putting them all together would make one incredibly talented man with twelve arms and no skills capable of landing him a job that pays more than $30k a year. But he sure as heck would be an artist.

Obviously, many games suck too much to count as art. The existence of NASCAR 09 doesn't mean that racing games can’t be artistic any more than Nickelback proves music isn’t art (though they’re a big step in that direction).  They just prove you need to buy some new music.