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The Top 7... Worst scenes in Uwe Boll movies

Cinematic crimes from the director gamers love to hate

Words: Mikel Reparaz, GamesRadar US


The game: A gravelly voiced trailer-park resident goes on a series of simple errands, during which he can choose to decapitate people with a shovel and give everyone anthrax as his town devolves into chaos around him.

 

The movie: A whiny-voiced loser goes on a series of simple errands that all devolve into insane chaos, and he eventually becomes embroiled in a struggle between al-Qaida and a cult led by Dave Foley. Also, Boll shows up as the owner of a Nazi-themed amusement park and gets his balls shot off. Yes, really.

 

The worst scene: For all its pre-release, OMG-is-it-actually-good buzz, Postal turned out to be just another shitty comedy. Sure, it’s got its moments – like when it successfully plays a bunch of kids getting shot to death for laughs – but in the main it’s a jumble of irritating one-dimensional characters, misguided shock-jokes and badly directed shootouts that crop up for no good goddamn reason.


Above: Ha ha, it’s like you can taste her fear! Hilarious! 

Probably the best example of “no good goddamn reason” is this early scene, in which Officer Greg walks over to help an old Asian lady stuck in traffic, and then blows her away for – you guessed it – no good goddamn reason:

Oh, wait, there is a reason. He thinks she was being racist, even though nothing that came out of her mouth sounded even remotely like the n-word.

Oh, wait, that’s not the REAL reason. Here, watch it again, this time with Boll’s commentary:

Ha ha! Oh, Uwe, you incorrigible scamp. How lucky we all are that you can work through your personal issues with Asian drivers using the medium of film.


 
61 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
Tasty_Pasta  - 1 year 1 month ago 
First! Wow I hate Uwe Boll. Tunnel Rats will be shit.
CuddlyBomber  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Holy crap yes! Thank you G-Radar for acknowledging are best friend Uwe's overall shittyness.
Holy Diver  - 1 year 1 month ago 
There must be some people here who watvh his movies. Studios wouldnt let him direct if his films didnt make any money
MW3M  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Bloodrayne 2 went straight to DVD. Any Uwe links there?

That said.. Postal the movie looks like big crispy dumb fun....
Gahmah  - 1 year 1 month ago 
look to the left

still seems better'n dat wee music.
Themis  - 1 year 1 month ago 
The House of the Dead is TRULY AWFUL. The worst I've seen. When I first saw the game footage spliced into the action scenes, I knew I'd witnessed a new low not just in big-screen videogame adaptations, but in the history of cinema.

There are moments where it is so bad that you can't help but speculate as to whether it isn't actually a genius parody of horror films.

It is not.
TheSuburbiaRuins  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Haha amazing top 7 Mikel, love it.
I love the music they play during the HoftheD sequence, it so doesn't fit at all.
And who knew people could die from getting shot in the dick? You learn somethin new everyday
Cynwyddon  - 1 year 1 month ago 
7 pages? How dare you do such a wrongful thing yet again, Gamesradar. I'm going to plagiarize this and post it on hundreds of forums without a single link or mention of the original source. Take that, 7pageRadar.
GamesRadarMikelReparaz  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Yeah, we're not crazy about the 7-page thing, either, but unfortunately it's not our call right now. We can, however, try to pack each page with enough stuff so that you don't feel cheated, which is what I hope I've done here.
iluvmyDS  - 1 year 1 month ago 
He summed it up, "I hate video games". As if we didn't know that already. Douche.
Cynwyddon  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Oh my, I apologize for my crude joke. I actually like that there are 7 pages, I prefer clicking to scrolling. Anyway, great article, I could never figure out why everybody hated this guy. I guess I simply needed to see some of his horrible work for myself. At least now I didn't actually have to pay for it.
bioshocker  - 1 year 1 month ago 
My uncle has worked on a bunch of these movies. He also worked on Farcry which he thinks won't change boll's reputation.
Tochy  - 1 year 1 month ago 
"I hate,videogames..." *falls*
otakupunk  - 1 year 1 month ago 
thank you gamesradar for giving me another reason the hate uwe boll
that crap he said about asians just pissed me off
NelosAngelos  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Hell better have a nice little spot for this guy when he gets sent down there.
kicking222  - 1 year 1 month ago 
That scene from "BloodRayne" might actually have the worst blood/gore/dismemberment effects I've ever seen in a "legit" film. That is... incredible. Wowwie wow wow.
Tymiegie  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Of course.... He hates video games. That's why he feels he has to make God-Awful game-based movies. It's so everyone else hates video games as much as he does
slickmcwilly  - 1 year 1 month ago 
The BloodRayne one made me totally just start hysterically laughing. That is one of the most unprofessional movie scenes I have ever witnessed.
BHT128  - 1 year 1 month ago 
I almost killed myself during the house of the dead vid, and nearly wet myself during the "Terrifying" special effects of Bloodrayne.
Fokker1138  - 1 year 1 month ago 
I haven't watched any of his movies outside of Postal, but as far as the comments of "no good goddamn reason", did he even play the game? That's pretty much the theme of Postal and Postal 2, random violence. It's a fun game just for the sheer mindlessness of it, sort of like going on a destructive bender in a GTA game. I think the movie was fairly true to the game and I enjoyed the absurdity of it.
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