The Game: Gabriel Knight 3

The Problem: First, he exposed a voodoo cult in New Orleans. Next, he took on werewolves in Germany. Now, supernatural investigator Gabriel Knight must save a French prince’s infant son from vampires. To do so, though, he needs transportation... and the local motorcycle merchant is refusing to rent him one.

Not much of a problem, you say? The man hunts monsters for a living, you point out? Did you not read the rest of this article, we ask?

The Logical Solutions:

• You could probably bribe the guy or bully him or ask him nicely or find some other mode of transp-...
Oh, who are we kidding? Let’s just get straight to the silly.

The Stupid Solution: All snark and sarcasm aside, we love or admire most of the games on this list. The Gabriel Knight series, in particular, is a bit of an office favorite. For this final entry, then, we’ll simply present the facts and let the utter ridiculousness speak for itself.

Gabriel’s solution is to cobble together a costume. The motorcycle merchant is reserving a bike for another character, Detective Moseley, so Gabriel decides to play a little dress up. Here are the two men, side by side:

Below are your available tools and ingredients. As a logical and rational human being, what would you do?

Well, as an illogical and irrational game protagonist, here is what Gabriel Knight does.

• Sticks the tape on a fence and sprays the cat with the water. The frightened feline runs under the fence, leaving a patch of fur behind.
• Adds maple syrup to the cat fur to make a fake mustache. Seriously.
• Rings the detective with the hotel call button and distracts him with the piece of candy. Steals the jacket from his room and the passport directly from his back pocket during this time. Again, seriously.
• Draws a mustache on the passport with the black marker.
• Takes the hat from a church lost-and-found box and combines it with the pilfered jacket, vandalized passport and, of course, cat mustache.

Does this elaborate scheme involving no less than 11 unrelated and unbelievable steps work? You be the judge...

Sigh. And we wonder why these sorts of games never get made anymore...

Hear more about this article in TalkRadar.

Sep 29, 2008

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