XD Great article. This had me laughing my ass of the whole time. I honestly thought you had made up that long-winded quote from Rolling Stone as sarcasm, but imagine my amazement when it was referenced from High School Musical 3... The only series of movies I've watched that made me want to kick a bunny. And for the record, I only watched them to get laid.
And the fact that they actually had a quote from John Carpenter for The Thing makes me feel sorry for the game. It must have been horrible to grant that kind of a masturbatory sales tactic.
I think the most ridiculous thing about the Stranglehold quote is that Gamepro managed to use the word "ripe" when they meant "rife" and even worse, that neither the publisher of the game nor GamesRadar caught it. Oh snap!