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The 10 worst game intros of all time

Watch the most awful openings ever without having to play the games

Words: Mikel Reparaz, GamesRadar US

7. Every game to feature full-motion video ever
1989 - ??? | Sega CD, CD-I, PC, 3DO, PSone, Saturn, et al

We're holding up Sony's original, beloved PSone game Warhawk (1995) as a particularly bad example of live-action intros here, but every game ever to utilize full-motion video to tell its story is just as guilty. The costumes are always cheap, the lighting is depressing and the sets are generated either by obsolete computers, or by putting those computers inside a disused warehouse and filming them. But it's the acting that's the stuff of gutter legend, with flat line readings from community-theater dropouts who'd be booed off the set of a porn flick.

Warhawk is no exception. The commander looks more like a drama student than a battle-hardened officer, and she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what it is she's saying - only that she's saying it angrily. The technician she's harping at doesn't even care, because he's only got two lines and nobody's going to watch this anyway. Then pilots Hatch and Walker squeeze in through a tiny door to escape the harsh glare of a floodlight, only to stare blankly into space for a while as they wait for some guy wearing thick gloves to fiddle with equipment he fished out of a RadioShack dumpster in 1987.

We're not sure how "game" came to equal "crappy movie" in the minds of developers and publishers throughout the '90s - we just hope it never happens again.


 
38 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
dougle  - 9 months 30 days ago 
wtf was that guy on when he did faces of evil?
alfonso.hdez  - 9 months 15 days ago 
wow...never heard about last alert, indeed it was pretty stupid!
alfonso.hdez  - 9 months 15 days ago 
Until I got to Ikari, now THAT sucks balls big time!
purple_omlet  - 9 months 15 days ago 
who gives a shit about corinai? it's hyrule everyone likes. what the hell is with that scroll? do you think it really said "only link can defeat gannon"? i'm pretty sure he was paraphrasing...
Bri77777  - 9 months 15 days ago 
Oh god, i couldn't finish that last video. *crys for an hour*
octagons  - 9 months 15 days ago 
Guess what i survived the beepatronic hell. Without skipping ahead and yes the sound was on.
Revanofsith  - 9 months 15 days ago 
Hell yeah, I did it! I sat through Ikari. I felt the strong need to bathe and cut my own teeth afterwards, but i did it!
sepirothpk  - 9 months 15 days ago 
I sat through it! It was annoying and ten times too long, but I did it. Actually, that's kind of sad...
Chicago  - 9 months 15 days ago 
I tore some of my hair out in anger at the faces of evil one, and then completely ripped out the rest after seeing the last one.
fatcat275  - 9 months 15 days ago 
In the pocket racers one, you didnt seem to notice that the wizard apparently stole a baby at the end.
mrbutlertron  - 9 months 14 days ago 
I closed my eyes and translated it in my head. Oh how keen it would've been to live in the 1840s! Unless you were Irish... Potato famine.. Very sad.
fatcat275  - 9 months 14 days ago 
I sat through the last video. Side effects of watching ever video in this article include bleeding eyes and ears.
SirBonkers  - 9 months 14 days ago 
Very funny stuff....well untel Ikaris that is. You did warn us though. I find it unfathomable that someone thought that was a good idea. WOW! Just plan terible!!!
Codemunkey117  - 9 months 14 days ago 
That...was...TRAGIC.I actually survived Ikari, but can you refund the last 4 mins of my life please? Also, the zelda intro was...hold on *gulp* *uuhhh*...TERRIBLE! Otherwise, funny article.
DiamondGrip  - 9 months 14 days ago 
all that came to mind during the Ikari intro was dot dash dash, dash, dot dot dash dot.
punkmetalmage  - 9 months 13 days ago 
I expectantly made it through the SNES ikari warriors II intro. Patience is my greatest virtue which really sucks cuz I have to wait on a lot of people, I'm a cashier.
elric40012  - 9 months 13 days ago 
man I... I couldn't, it was too much... horrible!... HOOOORIBBLLEE!! My head seriously hurts after Ikari
ANBD_Darklight  - 9 months 10 days ago 
at zelda my mouth was a just hanging there that was insulting to so many things...Link, girls and magic carpets... Ikari was fun i jsut made the beeping into a beat then died inside...I could've played fallout 3 in that 4 minutes
TNT501  - 9 months 10 days ago 
LOL im going to use the zero wing one for my motto on XL
TNT501  - 9 months 10 days ago 
I s a t t h r o u g h t h e l a s t o n e
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