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The 10 worst consoles ever

Think the 360/PS3/Wii sucks? These overpriced failures will teach you the true meaning of awful

Words: Mikel Reparaz, GamesRadar US

3. R-Zone
Year: 1995

Culprit: Tiger Electronics

US launch price: $30

What it would cost today: $41.55

Sucks because: The Tiger R-Zone wasn't just one of the worst consoles of all time - it was three of them. The R-Zone Head Gear is the one that people tend to remember, with its sad mockery of the Virtual Boy's red-and-black virtual-reality gimmick, but there was also a non-VR handheld - the R-Zone Extreme Pocket Gear - and a big-screen, "color" version, the R-Zone Super Screen. All of them worked the same way, however: by shining a light through a transparent LCD cartridge and projecting the action in eye-searing red (or black) on a plastic "screen."

Think the Virtual Boy was bad? Next to the Tiger R-Zone and its stiff red LCD "graphics," it was a high-definition gift from God. The R-Zone was essentially just a gimmicky version of the same awful, clicky-beepy LCD games that Tiger had been dumping on the market since the '80s, only projected onto a single eyepiece for kids whose parents were too poor to afford a whole set of goggles.

 

Above: NEW AMAZING GRAPHICS OH BOY

Although many people don't even consider the R-Zone a real console, the fact remains that it was a system for which game software was produced. It doesn't matter if said games were awful, or all essentially the same, or if the system was really more of a cheap, fraudulent toy than anything else - it qualifies. There are some who would say that Tiger's other infamous flop - the handheld Game.com - is more deserving of punishment, and while we agree it was horrible, it at least featured actual games with more than five frames of animation apiece.

Best game: NiGHTS, although that's sort of like saying that skin cancer is the best kind of cancer you can get.

2. Studio II
Year: 1977

Culprit: RCA

US launch price: $149.95

What it would cost today: $522.30

Sucks because: These days, people remember mainly two things about videogames from the 1970s: Atari and Pong. In fact, the '70s were littered with weird, forgotten consoles, because everyone and their mother was rushing to get in on the new video fad. Few of those efforts were quite as misguided and terrible as the RCA Studio II, though. You think the Jaguar's bulky controllers are crappy? Check out this action:

That's right - the "controllers" are keypads built into the console itself. As in "non-removable." As in "holy shit, how do I work this thing?" Maybe they aren't so bad if you think of them in the same light as a modern keyboard, but considering that the Studio II's main rival - the Fairchild Channel F - featured corded joysticks, that's already one big strike against the hardware. The Fairchild also featured color graphics, while the Studio II's black-and-white visuals were already obsolete by the time it was released. And with the release of the Atari 2600 less than a year away, not even five built-in games (which featured such time-honored classics as Addition and Patterns!) could save the Studio II from being crushed under the treads of the Atari juggernaut.

Above: Popular Studio II game Speedway, also known as GHAAAAAAAGH

Best game: Gunfighter/Moonship Battle

Special thanks to Vintage Computing and Gaming for scanning those horrible old R-Zone ads.


 
25 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
neon6  - 5 months 16 days ago 
MUST...GET...FLCL SHIRT...
BTW, if Nintendo didn't lose Gunpei Yokoi, then maybe they'd have a few more good games seeing how Gunpei Yokoi went on to make the Japan exclusive WonderSwan (sells like Hotcakes).
Ristar200  - 4 months 17 days ago 
The Action Max completely deserves that first place spot... VHS tapes? What were they thinking?!
TheCommunist  - 4 months 16 days ago 
LOLZ! that retarded Legend of Zelda video is the shittiest game I have ever seen...literally the shittiest
Hayroon  - 4 months 16 days ago 
The Zelda CDI games were crap but they did cause some funny youtube poop
Bloodmeta  - 4 months 15 days ago 
Well Gamesradar, You Are Telling The Truth. Plus The N-Gage Kinda Looks Like A Taco On Your Head... WHO WOULD WANT A TACO LOOKING PHONE D:, Plus The CDi Totally Deserves To Be In This List...But The Animation Did Make Hilarious Youtube Poop Videos Like Hayroon Said... So There's The GOOD Side To It XP
joshdaman123  - 4 months 14 days ago 
ZOH EM GEE? no one said first.... my god i can die happy.... >.>.... must find non commented article..

i ashamed of wanting an N-gage so shity
DRILLERDUD  - 4 months 13 days ago 
i got one.....wii
spidermanalf  - 4 months 11 days ago 
You forgot the Commodore and Amstrad consoles!
platamoose  - 4 months 8 days ago 
The Action Max was pretty bad ass, I mean it was bad and it was complete ass.
chainsaw391  - 4 months 3 days ago 
LOL DUDE THAT POPS GHOSTLY RECUE THING OWNZ I WISH I HAD ONE IT WAS RELEASED ReALLY EARLY BUT DID BETER IN GRAPHICS THEN THAT OTHER STUFF I THINK I CAN FIND ONE OF THESE ON EBAY ACTION MAX BEST GRAPHICS EVER REAL HUMANS RUNING FROM GHOST
lorchan  - 3 months 25 days ago 
R.I.P. Gunpei Yokoi ;_;
He would have been so proud of Metroid these days... He never lived to see it go 3D.
(I actually like the Virtual Boy, by the way)
HoudiniWaltz  - 3 months 25 days ago 
Where's the Apple Pippin?
frankmondana  - 3 months 25 days ago 
The Gizmondo was every bit as bad as it's remembered.
The company I work for had the pleasure of doing some PR work for these clowns prior to the release of the steaming brickshit pile.

I was given 3 of these things as well as an unlimited account and all kinds of software and schwag. Very cool right? Benefits of being "on the inside" right?
They were great little machines except for a couple of minor glitches.
-The sound quality for the "phone" was a little worse than 2 cups attached to a string.
-Battery life measured in nanoseconds.
-A screen that was only visible standing under an 32-1/2 foot tall oak tree on July 4th, between 12:01 and 12:09PM while zebras raced by singing "staying alive".
-Games that made me long for Pong as played on a 9" B/W portable TV with a scratched screen.
-The "keyboard" had the tactile feedback and accuracy as a dead hissing cockroach laying on a pile of pigeon shit.
-The only screen ever made that would get 1/8" deep scratches while stored in a vacuum chamber.

2 months later I couldn't give these things away. I still have them although I parted out 1 of them to use for a FIRST Robot. This was the only time the hardware from these shitpiles worked.

These guys never intended for this thing to be real. It was a scam from the start.
Even their final checks (accounting for 80% of the contract total) bounced 2 days after the project ended and we didn't hear from them again.
We did think the crash was hysterical (except for trashing a beautiful car that I got to drive once after a meeting)although it would have much funnier if they became paraplegics relying on machines to keep them alive.
Machines run, of course, with Gizmondos.

Good thing I never hold a grudge.
frankmondana  - 3 months 25 days ago 
Oh wait, I forgot a few things-
-The PC boards were assembled by 4 year-old Indonesian kids with ADHD.
- Common components (resistors, capacitors, etc) would change from 1 unit to another because they were bought from surplus dealers.

-The unit never had proper UL or ETL listing. They sent a few units that were well built to the labs. They passed but were required to change a few things. They then built a few more that passed but the production units were built as described above.

OK, I'm done.
InstantThreat  - 3 months 16 days ago 
I LOVE MECHANICAL CRABS!!!x]
nightrider  - 3 months 14 days ago 
what in the world is this
Fionachitauro  - 3 months 13 days ago 
Graphics are AMAZING. GTA4 graphics are shit compared to these =D
Blackbird  - 3 months 5 days ago 
Aaaah... Ahhh... my brain actually hurts... AaaaAAAahh!
Nintendroid426  - 3 months 5 days ago 
here is one: PS3.
games are good (compared to wii)but are and were in low quantity at launch and today, no one needs blue ray, 600 dollar launch price? are u effen kidding me? why have online and music when i can have my computer go online and listen to music on my ipod????
seifer93  - 3 months 3 days ago 
I honestly think that the GameGear deserved an honorable mention in this list. It had all the graphics of the Sega Genesis in a handheld machine only 3/4ths the size of the Genesis!
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