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Fark.comThe Wiimote
On the face of it, the idea of successfully using what amounts to a NES pad for Smash Bros. (Yes, a total lack of gestural commands here too
unfortunately) sounds completely implausible. And for the most part, it is. The 1 and 2 buttons stand in comfortably for A and B, and the d-pad is fine for movement, but using the - button to grab? That we’re afraid, is the stuff of nightmares. Horrible, 1980s Cronenbergian nightmares. In a heated fight (Is there any other kind in Smash?) you’ll frequently end up accidentally hitting + instead, pausing the game and activating the zoomed-in viewpoint of the screenshot editor. The only thing that gets thrown is the flow of your game and by the time you’ve unpaused, any half-savvy human opponent will know exactly what you were about to do. And stretching a thumb over from the other attack buttons to the ‘mote’s middle is one of the most unnatural-feeling things you’ll be asked to do in any of Smash’s control schemes.
The B trigger is even more of a hinderance than it is when using the Wiimote with a nunchuck. Its awkward horizontal positioning underneath the controller makes pressing it with a fingertip to use your shield screamingly haphazard, and the time delay is an even bigger issue as there’s nowhere on the button that you can position your finger to get the right amount of leverage for quick and efficient play. Factor in the way the trigger’s curved surface leads to a lot of slippage and you’ve got a control system unattractively decorated in all shades of wrong.
That said, the standalone Wiimote isn’t that bad at all in the Subspace Emissary missions. The combat in the side-scroller tends to be less frantic than in the core Smash battles, and opponents go down a lot easier so the controller’s failings are less apparent. Enemies are more predictable and easier to manage, and they won’t read your command errors the way a human player will. Still though, if you have either of the next two options at your disposal, please use them. The health of both your mind and your TV will be much better as a result.
Verdict: Just like the pleasant but smelly kid at school. Okay to hang out with if there’s really no-one else about, but you don’t want to be its friend.
