Have you ever wanted to be really gruff and a little bit frightening without actually having to grow a beard, build up a considerable potbelly and slap a McCain/Palin sticker on your car? Well, there are games for that (most of them published by Cabela’s). Or maybe you’ve always dreamed of being a celebrity dog trainer? A curling champion? A gardener? Any of this sound appealing? Well, there are games for them. Apparently no one told these publishers that games are supposed to be about stuff people want to do... like fighting bikini-wearing alien dominatrices.

The draw of fishing, at least for the average, non-competitive weirdo, is the experience. It’s about chilling by the lake with a cooler full of adult beverages and no women around to ask you if they look fat. At least, that's what fishing is to me. You can’t simulate that.

And fishing should definitely never involve grinning goofily while bouncing around on a boat like one of those inflatable punching clown things.

Above: OMG WIIMOTE LOL!

Curling is the sport you make snide comments about when it comes on between the good events at the Winter Olympics - you're meant to forget about it as soon as a real sport starts. It’s basically an extreme version of what old people do on their old-people cruise ships - "extreme” because it involves ice, and brittle hips and slippery surfaces can lead to extremely painful lawsuits.

But yes, if you really want to, you can experience the thrill of sliding things across ice even when the Olympics aren’t on.

Above: We question the accuracy of this simulation - what's with all the people in the bleachers?

Have you ever played, or even heard of, a good truck driving game? I haven’t. Oddly enough, I enjoy driving fast cars, not cumbersome big-rigs. After you’re about 7-years-old your attraction to large vehicles with a lot of big wheels should begin to diminish at a sharp curve. If it doesn't, you may end up looking like this and not being very funny:

Not only have I never heard of a good truck driving game, the only notable truck game I know of is notable because of its awfulness. Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing has been described by many as being worse than a variety of unpleasant sounding enemas. Just look: