How about an age accelerator for a more mature gaming experience. Anyway the offensive to non - offensive translator will do. Great article.

If I could wish for anything in the world related to games it would be the hand heaet charged controller. My 360 controller runs out of batteries every other day it seems. It's the first time I've ever wanted a wired controller.

reCAPTCHA = Fannie way

lol

I think we all want translating headsets and startrek style transporters.

Robot Head game reviewer....the best. Nothing like a reviewer giving the infamous score of 7...

I know how to fix the split-screen

Just get a projector Woohoo!!
like me. Gaming has never been the same

Lol, this is a great article, I agree with everything on this list. I patiently await the Infallible robot-head reviewer. It will get rid of the wrong and bent and biased and wrong reviewers at Games Radar.

why are you goes still game journelists
you should be out there inventing this stuff

if you did invent a game-reviewing bot.... youd be out of a job.

Hilarious! Very amusing article :)

Automatic Graphics Detail Regulator (PC Games)
---------------------------------------------
Instead of upgrading your computer to match the minimum requirements of a game, the game would downgrade it's graphics to what fits in your clunker.

Of course, we are not talking about half-measures, such as cripplig/disabling effects, reducing resolution and stuff (which have to be done manually anyway). No... The whole artwork of the game redesigns it self, as if it was made in the 90s. Textures become lighter, polygons are placed much more wisely and only where absolutely necessary. The graphics of Crisis became like the ones of Quake III (not much good, but still more good looking than crisis in low detail), and the city from NFS:Undercover becomes Hometown from NFS III.

And vice versa: Doom II would become Doom3 and ColimMcRae 2.0 becomes DiRT. Like an upscaler, but for games instead of DVDs. Haleluah!!

The "Crowd pleaser" button
--------------------------
Existing as a tiny switch at the back of the console, it would be enabled by default. It's sole purpose would be to hide from Joe Q. Public all the things a casual "gamer" doesn't want to see, such as animated blood, severed heads and arms, difficult bosses and a health bar that actually decreases after every hit the character takes. Once deactivated, the full game will be there for the real men to enjoy, as buckets of sweat become blood pouring out of cut veins, arms and heads can be butchered, the prostitutes are back on the streets, banana smugglers became the cocaine smugglers they should have always been, bosses receive their balls back... you get the idea.

The "I am stuck, skip this hard level for me" button
----------------------------------------------------
Obvious. Available only when "crowd pleaser" button is enabled

The Game Operating System
-------------------------
Old gamers would remember that, in Amiga gaming systems (also known as computers), you were able to start only the core of the operating system, the very basics a piece of software (ie a game) needed to run. What's the point of loading Graphical interfaces, antiviruses and other things, and having them running in the background all the time chewing resources, if all you want to do is kill hobos in GTA? There should have been a "game" mode in Windows/Linux, or a special OS, where it would offer only the very necessary processes Nico Belic and Liberty City would need to run, and not useless anti viruses checking the hobos if the files that consist them carry the recent virus plague of the web.

i hate it how split scrren multiplayer is becoming rare i used to love not waiting for hours to get on a online game with my friends :(

Yeah, splitscreen w/o splitscreen:Enhancer Goggles would be amazing
It would help the close proximity Halo 3 gaming way better, and what's banter?

The split screen glasses probably would just end up making people sick. Remember the virtual boy?

But the handheat controller is so genius that I can't believe it hasn't been thought of yet. Or maybe it has, but it should have be executed.

lol good article GR but about the split screen not being split scree whole kind of thing... isn't that like a definition of a LAN party?

great article and great work on the illustrations id particularly enjoy not having to get up off my ass to plug my SIXAXIS into the USB to charge it :)

also... how about... a mouse and keyboard with rumble functions? cool eh?

i love how the guy with the helmet is sweating.

HAHAHA
great article and great artwork!

Not a very good article, frankly. But I did appreciate the fact that a video game website has a cigarette reference. Kudos

they should make a controller especially made for douches who come over to your house, play your games,lose bitch and moan and throw your controller against the wall. Kinda like airbags for your very expensive controller

I'd buy the swear and insult filter headsets on day one. I don't mind a little trash talk now and then, but there has to be a line sometimes.

that glasses idea is genius. I know this articles a joke, but that would be fantastic. And the heat charged controllers? fantastic. Seriously, write to sony, ms and nintendo and bitch till they cave!

I fully agree on the split screen thing! :D