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If game characters were old

Solid Snake became a ripe old git – what if other characters went the same way?

Words: Tyler Wilde, GamesRadar US

What happened to Snake? With those layered and textured wisps of oh-so-touchable hair, that Rambo-ninja headband, and a perfectly landscaped maze of lovable facial scruff, MGS 2 Snake was downright dreamy. Several years and one blond douchebag later and Snake is back with crow’s feet and the beginnings of a Geraldo Rivera 'stache. If anything is suited for sneaking, it’s the varicose veins crawling up the skin stuffs stretched over his legs.

Most game characters don’t bother with ugly things like continuity – they never get old and they eternally wear the same clothes. But what if, like Snake, they were suddenly ravaged by Father Time? A dash of Photoshop reveals the disturbing possibilities.

Lara Croft - Tomb Raider

Sans her athletic physique and sex appeal, all Lara raids these days are aisles of incontinence products. Those once impossibly perky breasts have become gravity’s playthings, swinging around her navel like Droopy’s ears and snagging on untrimmed shrubs (which she complained to the city council about 16 times).

But it isn't all bad for the retired archeologist - she occasionally spruces things up by surviving nuclear blasts in refrigerators.


 
27 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
thorn05  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Dats just nassssssty
Da-Ku  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Funny But Freaky!
Ninjagamer12  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Gahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
bron1417  - 1 year 2 months ago 
wow guys funny stuff but a little bit on the freaky side as well.
ClusterShart  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Lulz, tyler really liked the laura...
GamesRadarTylerWilde  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Old Lara rocks.
Nessrox  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Pikachu looked like he was on crack
G4M3_N3M3S1S  - 1 year 2 months ago 
lol old cratose was nast but funny.
Thewolfgirl  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Wow. Wow. I have to gouge out my eyes at link. :O LINK WAS SCARY.

I Still Roflmao
Black_X_1111  - 1 year 20 days ago 
NOS, not link!!! Quick Link, use your magics!!!
scbyfn4evr  - 1 year 19 days ago 
Old Lara=MILF


(kidding)
enuru999  - 1 year 19 days ago 
who would win old link or old cloud
sherwoc  - 10 months 17 days ago 
old link, at lest he can pick his sword up XD
stuffblowupnation  - 10 months 11 days ago 
OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE. No not link, old lara/any pikachu
Spybreak8  - 10 months 6 days ago 
lol
dougle  - 10 months 4 days ago 
old pikachu looks like the male members of my family lol
Rhesus  - 10 months 3 days ago 
Pikachu needs some serious help.
Bov11  - 9 months 16 days ago 
pikachu just did it for the lols.
TradanBattlan  - 9 months 15 days ago 
LARA
WHAT DID THEY DO TO YA LARA
lovinmyps3  - 9 months 2 days ago 
OMFG the lara in the fridge, fuking priceless!!! and i can see pikachu yellin and kids to 'get off my lawn!!!' : P
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