Nowadays, your kills, stats, and achievements are all saved somewhere in the midst of the Orwellian internet, for immediate out-geeking capabilities. And saving progress is crucial for those 40-hour jaunts through fairy-infested forestry.

Grade: Verges on creepy the way games remember personal data. You see those stats in GTAIV? Dammmmmmn.

Guys have very selective memory; you can tell a dude you need some ubercharging (read: sexual intercourse) and he’ll remember ‘til the cows come home. Tell your boyfriend your birthday’s in a week, and he’ll only “remember” it once he sees it on Facebook - if you’re lucky.

Apparently, there’s a reciprocal relationship existing between forgetfulness and creepiness for guys, which is also really unfortunate for women. Either they don’t give a shit and remember nothing or they somehow recall every minute detail you’ve ever uttered. Now you got a stalker on your hands. Good luck trying not to shiver every time you make eye contact.

Grade: You probably forgot everything that I just wrote…

Games can be generous with DLC like additional weapons, levels, updates, and achievements. Every game differs in its degree of generosity, with developers quickly realizing that core gameplay additions should be a given in return for a gamer’s continued support, lest they throw gamers in a rage. Case in point: Battlefield: Bad Company, where gamers were initially forced to pay more money to unlock the game’s best weapons until a huge uproar occurred. Like the Batman said, people deserve to be reward for their faith.

Above: Thanks for the free weapons, jerks!

Grade: You need to buy the game to receive the benefits of its generosity

Guys will act like a modern day Romeo in the beginning of a relationship, but anything thereafter is always only the bare minimum to keep things going. This only happens when they’ve already earned the right to have full access to our goody bits.

 

Grade: A guy will be generous until he gets to the prize at the bottom of the cereal box

WINNER - TIE

With games winning 3, guys winning, 1, and a tie in 1 of the categories, it’s pretty clear that girls would prefer to spend their time on something worthwhile like games rather than on a man, which could easily be replaced by cake and a Christian Bale cutout (Ed. We’ll drink to that).

Sep 16, 2008