Hometown: Liberty City

Favorite quote: "That's a taste of corn on the cob."

Stephen's critique: Again, we witness the sartorial pairing of a smart blazer and a gigantic set of tits. This time, the sports bra is binned in favor of a lacy sex-chassis, teamed with the controversial externalization of the suspender belt. Great as an evening look. Less appropriate for lunch with the in-laws.

Hometown: Las Venturas

Favorite quote: "Hey, I bruise easily."

Stephen's critique: Big in the specialist market. A 10 o'clock shadowed she-he, all parceled up in the requisite rubber jug-harness, PVC shorts and US Army bovver boots. Apparently she does amazing things with a Gillette Fusion.

Hometown: Vice City

Favorite quote: "So many men. Such little time."

Stephen's critique: Riffing off the pseudo "realness" so tiresomely fed to impressionable kids by warblers like Pink and Fergie, this bottom-faced fugly looks all sorts of wrong. Check the weird, clashy checkerboard top and hazard stripe gauntlets, all topped off with your mum's hairstyle. Wouldn't, as they say, with yours.