GR: Okay. Well on January 22nd, you announced that you were going to protest Heath Ledger’s funeral.

SRP: Yes. We said we were going to protest Heath Ledger’s memorial.

GR: Well why protest his memorial?

SRP: Well, because Heath Ledger’s [portrayal of a gay character in Brokeback Mountain] - every person needs to be warned that if you adopt his rebellion against the standards of God, then you will join him in Hell.

GR: Does his upcoming role as the Joker diminish your anticipation for the new Batman movie?

SPR: Hon, don’t you understand? I don’t care about that new Batman movie.

GR: Really!?

SPR: What I know is that Heath Ledger has been cut off by an angry God and he’s in Hell for eternity. If he’s been there two weeks, eternity minus two weeks equals what?

GR: But the Joker’s cool with you? You’d let your kids play LEGO Batman?

SPR: I don’t know what LEGO Batman is. I know what LEGOs are.

GR: It’s [a] LEGO-fied videogame.

SPR: Whether they play it or not has nothing to do with this discussion.

GR: So there will be no need for godhatesbatman.com?

SPR: We’ve already registered godhates****.com, godhatestheworld.com, godhatesamerica.com, ***************.com, americaisdoomed.com.

GR: What game would God love?

SPR: I don’t know. I don’t even understand that question. That’s reducing the grace of God to lasciviousness. Forget that.

GR: If you could just give us some parting wisdom, something like God loves Mario, God loves Master Chief?

SPR: No. Those two discussions don’t belong in the realm together. Keeping your gaming away… keep your gaming mouth off of God. Don’t take the word of God into your mouth when you’re turning it into lasciviousness, because He’ll hold you accountable for that. All that goofy talking, you’ll have to give an explanation for that. Why would you want to do that?

GR: So you see games as an increasing cause of lewd behavior?

SPR: No I see games as a result - those games you’ve described - to be the result of the rebellion you’ve been taught. You understand you can have games, and have a lot of fun, and be in there, and be entertained and never cross over into being filthy brutes.

GR: Agreed. So you don’t think videogames had any influence on Columbine or the Virginia Tech shooting?

SPR: No. Of course not. Here’s what the Bible says about that question you just asked, and you asked a good question there. Do I think games had any influence on Columbine? No. The scripture says this about that: “It is not what you take in that corrupts you. You were already corrupt.” It’s your dark evil heart. It’s your dark evil heart that corrupts you. You think up all your goofy notions and your filthy deeds because the heart is deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked, and who could know it? Thus causing the Lord Your God to say, “Don’t give place to all that nonsense - to all that nonsense that comes out of your corrupt heart.”

GR: So you do think that there’s a positive aspect to games?

SPR: I think that you can use them. And you can play and still obey and serve the Lord Your God.

GR: What’s your ideal game? A protesting simulator?

SPR: Nah. All that game stuff… I wouldn’t even waste my mental energy trying to think that through.

Thank God that's over. If you take issue with any of the thoughts and opinions expressed by Mrs. Phelps-Roper, then it is your divine right to air your grievances in our very pious forum.

Mar 27, 2008