Valentine’s Day approaches! What’re you gonna do? Get your special someone a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a card with a puppy on it? How Hallmark™ of you. We have a better way to ignite that sexy spark… by which we mean worse: gaming, plus, sex. It’s so stupid it just might work…or involve more awkward silences and tears than a JRPG. But hey, give us a chance - a little experimentation keeps things fresh, right? Your partner will either thank you for your ingenuity, or be forever disgusted by the thought of you. Good luck!

Above: A more considerate version of the alternate “BOOM! HEADSHOT!”

Above: A little ball of joy

Above: This particular position is 100 times hotter if she gets the Castlevania reference

Above: A very challenging maneuver (Press Z or R twice!)

Above: A titillating way to get her in the mood

Above: The slow and calculated descent is sure to excite…just be sure not to shoot the “invader” prematurely

Above: Not a sexual position as much as a strategy, but important nonetheless

So, to answer your question, this is how ridiculous we are. What. And yet we continue, because once we start brainstorming we can’t stop. Here are a few of the ideas we couldn’t illustrate, so you’ll just have to use your imagination. But imagination is what it’s all about… we just hope your partner welcomes your bolstered creative drive… shaft.

Gold Farming
The Red Ring
Entering the Matrix
The Dirty Ramirez
Blast Processing
Hammer of Dawn
The Two Fisted Waggle
Grinding for Experience
The Preemptive Strike
The Sticky Grenade
Eating the Cherry
SEXAXIS
The Zerg Rush
The Mega Drive
The BioSlap
The Splicer
Use the Boost to Get Through
Dual-Wielding
Inverted Aim
The Will Wright Angle

Feb 10, 2010

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