Quantcast

Game Ads of Yesteryear

60 bits of olde tyme game propaganda we dug out of our closets

Words: Henry Gilbert, GamesRadar US


Above: How do you sell a Final Fantasy made for more casual players? With a close-up of a cow’s face, duh

 


Above: We get it, X is a letter. And why, Konami, do we need your full address in this ad?

 


Above: Shhh! Don’t tell them the game is unbeatable

 


Above: These two refuse to end their feud unless they can do it wire-free

 


Above: “This infrared light is SO versatile!”

 


Above: A wireless controller so liberating, both you and your hat will float

 


Above: Firstly this has great sound effects, “BTING! POW!” Secondly, reading this guide will drive you insane

 


Above: Thanks for the warning ad, but it came far too late

 


Above: This isn’t a basketball game, it’s a lynching

 


Above: You see kids, in the early 90s it was very important for us to know what sport Bo Jackson liked the most, don’t ask us why

 


Above: It’s a shame that kids today, with their iPods and tiny cell phones, will never know the pleasure of these garish monstrosities

 


Above: “This book will help me defeat the Accordion Lizard!” Bonus joke: this dungeon has good taste in book ends

Feb  4, 2009


Gaming commercials that'll make you say WTF!?
We pilfer the archives and dig up some disturbing, surreal and utterly confusing adverts


Box art that got it all wrong
It's not just bad, it completely misses the point

 

If game characters were old
Solid Snake became a ripe old git – what if other characters went the same way?


 
37 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
babo_u_da  - 9 months 25 days ago 
i can't choose which one is my favorite out of these the mario ad or the final fantasy mystic quest ad..
lava_lamp  - 9 months 25 days ago 
A KOOL-AID MAN GAME!
THATS AMAZING!
Gahmah  - 9 months 25 days ago 
I thought Henry Gilbert was the guy on the star wars box for a moment
ssj4raditz  - 9 months 25 days ago 
FABIO! I just knew Iron Sword had to be in this.
Corsair89  - 9 months 25 days ago 
Final Fantasy Mystic Quest ad was my favorite.
RebornKusabi  - 9 months 25 days ago 
*Sees Silver Surfer ad for the NES*

Oh my GOD I hate this fucking game!!!!! Seriously, if you value your soul then you might want to stay the fucking hell away from this devil-spawn of a game!
kingpin202  - 9 months 25 days ago 
Is it sad that I remember a few of these? lol.

Especially the TNMT one. lol.
ELpork  - 9 months 25 days ago 
Kwirk makes me think of the 7 up dude.
GamesRadarCharlieBarratt  - 9 months 25 days ago 
"Danny Wimpasinger"? That is the best name ever.
lava_lamp  - 9 months 25 days ago 
>Is this an ad for a game or the Yellow Submarine?

lmao i love that movie
PCG_Evan  - 9 months 25 days ago 
Good stuff. I like when Robocop strangled the dragon to grab his book of the shelf.
reyalejandro13  - 9 months 25 days ago 
GASP!!! Mario, in a movie AND a ceral?!?!? That's impossible? and incredibly disturbing. I never knew that mario tasted like fruit. Oh, and all badass final fantasy games had something to do with cows...
HungryBeaver  - 9 months 25 days ago 
Kool Aid game? I wanna play that. Holy crap cool!
CountFenring  - 9 months 24 days ago 
That is NOT a Super Cobra. They look like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AH-1_SuperCobra It was around for 12 (!) years before the game.
Craza  - 9 months 24 days ago 
I love these old school articles you have GR, it really helps me get in touch with the era of gaming that I wasn't alive for. :P
mrmak  - 9 months 24 days ago 
"Ready, Aim, Punish!"

No other phrase flows as well as this.
FourMe2PoopOn  - 9 months 24 days ago 
I want that Kool-Aid game......Like seriously.
zymn  - 9 months 24 days ago 
when that one ad said Gary Larsen, i thought they meant Gary LARSON...
you know, the guy who made The Far Side...
it was a comic strip in the 80s/90s?
never heard of it?
then go die.
zymn  - 9 months 24 days ago 
ahaha, i should scan in the ads from my old Nintendo Power mags. you guys forgot the dude in the ballerina outfit! :P

and the SNES in the ice cube!
may.be.vital  - 9 months 24 days ago 
I lol'd at the Mario breakfast and Decapattack ads
Related Games
PC
PC
Wii
Wii
PSP
PSP
Xbox 360
Xbox 360
Xbox
Xbox
Gamecube
GameCube
The Steam Early Holiday - Sunday's Deals N4G
PC News from N4G
29 Nov 2009
Runes of Magic Helps Raise Funds for Save the... N4G
PC News from N4G
29 Nov 2009
Blizzard in a Giving Mood N4G
PC News from N4G
29 Nov 2009
Dragonica Online Patch 1.1.4 Patch Notes N4G
PC News from N4G
29 Nov 2009
Nokia's new N900 features possibly illegal... N4G
Wii News from N4G
29 Nov 2009