With all the meetings taking place in the hustle-bustle of E3, we feel the manner with which our colleagues have overlooked a very crucial "appointment" is absolutely disgraceful. Year after year, these longstanding convention attendees greet the press with warmth and unbiased affection and it’s about damned time someone sung their praises. You’re welcome.

We’ve peppered the poopy jokes with clichéd gaming terminology because these icons of E3 are just as important as the titles we cover.

Shrine Auditorium - Sony Press Conference

From the folks who brought you the PSP comes an utterly fantastic portable conversion of the home edition we’ve all come to rely on. Far more than Commode Lite, the on-the-go version even features a kick ass foot-flusher peripheral that could give the Rock Band bass peddle a run for its money.

Canteen

Just a mess. And lacking polish to boot. It could be argued that the visible particle effects embody a certain charm, but we’re of the opinion that they have no place in a final build. You certainly won’t see our asses interacting with this model any time soon.

Wilshire Grand - Lobby

We can only assume this was a very early preview build or concept model because its performance was definitely not up to snuff. From the get go, the interface was cold and uninviting, adding further insult to an already undignified experience. Plus, it lacked the processing power and water effects to handle even a modest amount of gamer input.

Los Angeles Convention Center

Finally! 16 player co-op has come home to E3, and it’s right there in the Los Angeles Convention center. The multi-pisser community experience is much appreciated, but that stagnant yellow bubbly hints at some pretty serious latency issues.

Famima Convenience

We don’t mean to discount the importance of an integrated tutorial, but this model significantly dumbs down an otherwise euphoric engagement. Rooted so tightly in an “on-rails” experience, most users will find their intelligence insulted. Only in the case of an earthquake, or if the Famima convenience store suddenly shot off into space, would this level of handholding begin to feel necessary.