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CRAP games that scraped a seven out of ten

Reviewers thought these titles were okay. They were WRONG

Words: GamesRadar US

NASCAR 07
Platform:
Xbox
Metacritic Score: 7.2/10
Who’s to Blame: Next Level Gaming for awarding this trailer trash title a 8.5/10 trophy

The gamers we know have been busy talking about how good The Dark Knight was and are still arguing about whether or not The Watchmen movie is going to suck. They’re not discussing Jeff Gordon or Kyle Busch. Do you know why? It’s because NASCAR is the most boring sport ever.

Okay. We admit that we’ve never played NASCAR 07 and don’t really have much to say about how the series has developed since NASCAR 2001. But that’s not because we’re unprofessional. It’s just that we don’t care. NASCAR 07 may very well be the best racing game we’ve never played, but we’re going to go out on a limb here and say that driving around in circles isn’t really seven-out-of-ten points of fun.


Above: If you’re a diehard NASCAR fan and are offended by this, then all ten of you should ignore us and just buy it. We heard it was OKAY

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Platform:
PS2
Metacritic Score: 7.4/10
Who’s to Blame: VideoGamer for giving this piece of movie merchandise a score of 8/10

Sure. Your eight-year-old kid will probably like The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. But kids like just about anything that the TV tells them they’re supposed to. Critics should know better and with so many other great RPGs to choose from, it’s sad when something as horrid as this manages to scrape by with anything greater than a six.

As far as RPGs go, Prince Caspian is about as magical and entertaining as the Narnia-branded fast food meals, action figures and crappy collectibles that you’ve come to expect whenever a big budget film tries to capitalize on your childhood memories.


Above: Guess what? If you liked the book and you liked the movie and you like crappy games based on movies then you’ll probably think this one is all right

America’s Army: Rise of a Soldier
Platform:
Xbox
Metacritic Score: 7/10
Who’s to Blame: Yahoo Games for awarding America’s Army four-and-a-half-out-of-five stars

It’s pretty pathetic that the US Army had to go and release military recruitment propaganda disguised as a terrible first-person shooter. What’s even more insulting is that publisher Ubisoft had the gall to release several retail versions of America’s Army when the latest version of this boring ass shooter was already available to download for free online. How did this awful advertisement for the US Army (which you had to pay actual money for) manage to scrape by with a so-so seven? We blame Yahoo Games for giving it four and a half out of five stars. Here’s a brief excerpt from their review:

“We can think of few shooters that capture so well the dynamics of modern combat. And we can think of even fewer that have managed to stand out with such a unique and compelling approach as America's Army: Rise of a Soldier.”
- Tom Chick, Yahoo Games


Above: You know, giving an awful game like the retail version of America’s Army a near perfect score isn’t the only way to support our troops

EVERY Dragon Ball Z game EVER
Platforms:
All of them
Metacritic Score: Look at all the wishy washy sevens!
Who’s to Blame: Everyone. We’re talking about every magazine and website that over scored a DBZ game because the reviewer was too much of a fan of the anime or wanted to cover up the fact that they couldn’t tell the difference between Broly and Bardock.

Okay. So not every Dragon Ball Z game scraped by with a ‘meh’ seven. But it seems utterly ridiculous to dive into the granular differences between the countless DBZ titles that have been shoveled upon us over the years. Let’s be honest. For the most part, Dragon Ball Z games are all pretty terrible fighters. Whether you’re talking about the SNES ones, the PlayStation ones, or the 2D or 3D ones, they’re mostly button mashers, have nearly identical fighter rosters, and almost never get the flying and Kamehameha action parts down right. The only thing they’ve always got going for them is the popularity of the manga and anime series.

Don’t get us wrong. We used to love Dragon Ball Z. But back then, we were only fourteen, had barely even seen any anime, and new episodes were showing up on dented VHS tapes at our local Chinese-run pirated video store every other week. That was over a decade ago. C’mon people! Son Goku and company keep coming back for second servings of your money years after the anime ended, and with so many breezy sevens, these games tend to get way more credit than they deserve.


Note to self: Reviewers should stop giving bad DBZ fighters a free pass because of the popularity of an anime that ended over TEN YEARS ago!

Continue on to read the blandest reviewers in the industry.


 
11 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
grammartroll  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Bite me. First of all, all it takes is a search of "Adventure" games on your site to see that you have no clue what an adventrue game is (hints: platformers are not adventure games; action-adventures are not adventure games; side-scrollers are not adventure games).

Second, so WHAT if a game is targeted to a niche market? If it is, it's appropriate to review it with that in mind, which is exactly how we review the excellent HerInteractive Nancy Drew titles at JustAdventure+.

I can't believe you actually say, as a criticism, that we "gave a game targeted to young girls a passing grade" as if the very act of that is immoral. Just because YOU are not a young girl (or ARE you?) doesn't mean young girls don't want good adventure games to play. There are good games besides just the ones that you play and like, as hard as that may be to get your head around.

To paraphrase Orson Welles, I encourage you to celebrate diversity in gaming: "To games! To good games! To every possible kind!"

The next time you attack a site that specializes in a genre, try to be a bit more informed on that genre before you shoot off your mouth.
codzprc  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Grammartroll, first off - great name. Conjures up visions of catholic school marms toting wide rulers (and I went to public school). Secondly, I can only venture a guess to your true identity (Mr. Ivey, perhaps?), regardless, "Bite me." is quite possibly the greatest opening line ever used to began a less than average "out-raged reader" comment.

In your post, you make mention or at least allude to the fact that you are associated with JustAdventure+, which I'm sure is a fine gaming site in it's own right... though the site itself looks as if I and a few college buddies got drunk one weekend and decided to put together a Html abomination, and upon waking Monday had forgotten all about it....

What was I talking about?? Oh yes, the fact that you reacted so negatively to a joke of an article such as this one. If anything the objective of the article, though it is not directly stated, is to point out that getting your information(reviews in this case) from just one source and relying on that source is asinine.

Gamers should make informed decisions, most don't - and rely solely one source, which in the case of the Nancy Drew games would be bad, say if the gamer went to gamespot.com. Actually, even gamespot has decent reviews of the series, however they are user reviews (probably better that way).

I do agree with you on the matter that maybe young girls would enjoy the ND titles, and possibly even give them an "A". Having read your review of ND: The Haunted Carousel - The game actually sounds like some thing I would get for my 6 year old niece. On that note, what is the ESRB rating and why is it not on your site?

Next point (my fouth maybe?), I'm sure the crew at gamesradar knows what the "Adventure" category is, or at least what is used to be. Though your site still uses the term "Adventure" as it was used in the 70's - late 90's, whenever Colossal Cave Adventure came out. (No, I wasn't alive at the time - but my brother played it) The term now gets plopped behind the term "Action". As you pointed out, Action Adventure games are not Adventure games.

Most mainstream sites don't use the "Adventure" as a sort category, gamespot for instance, lists ND under "compilation" - though in a general search for compilation games, only a Simcity title pops up. Gamespot does offer an "Adventure games" search option -- but again doing a general search returns only a few titles, none of which are Nancy Drew games.

What does it all mean? The general gamer population doesn't care about Adventure games enough for sites to cater to the few (thousand?) gamers who do. However, they do list the games and the user who have played such titles are more than welcome to post their own reviews. If the sites themselves went through and reviewed all the adventure games - whiny developers would, well whine, about the poor review.

So the sites list the adventure games, yet give no review - users are still able to find info on the title and the reviewers can go back to reviewing crappy movie-based titles(HA!)...

Point... um, Fifty. Orson Welles?? Are you serious? I'm not saying it was a bad choice, but really?? Orson Welles? On a gaming site? While it did have the word game in it, I can think of a few better - and more humorous quotes...

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”
-Albert Einstein, works well with FPS Multiplayer games


This one is just funny because we're talking about a Nancy Drew game - the quote by itself I interrupt as "because women are passionate(love, hate), their lives are better. Without passion, a womans' life is boring"... anyway -

“Where neither love nor hatred is in the game, a woman's game is mediocre”
-Friedrich Nietzsche


Final Point(I hope), I'm glad JustAdventure exists... you obviously love your adventure games, and I'm sure the handful of gamers that actually visit your site appreciate it as well. However, like I said - the layout, browse feature and well... all the functional aspects of the site are crap. Developers fresh out of college would gladly fix all that for around $50-65/hr. and maybe a few games under the table. Otherwise, a nice site.

By the way, for readers curious - I am not affiliated with gamesradar.com or gamespot.com in anyway - except I obviously have accounts with them, and visit the sites often. I'm just a writer who had a lot to drink, and was enjoying this article till I read grammartroll's comment... Why get so riled up over a dumb re-review(of sorts), since gamesradar didn't respond - I decided to have fun.

The next time you attack a "just for S's and G's" article, try to be a bit less of a whiner before you shoot you mouth off. (See what I did there??)

Hmm, yet another point. No really, you just drew some attention to yourself - and most of it will probably be negative... Though I'm sure it will be forgotten shortly - if it hasn't already.

Wow, nearly used all 5000 characters on this bad boy. Only 3 left..0
codzprc  - 1 year 1 month ago 
My quotes got weird... stupid quotes... [Cartman voice, like he's talking to his mom] "Hey, um.. gamesradar moderator guy. Could, could you please fix my quotes for me, pleeeease?"

GR Mod: [Stabbing to fingers into my neck] "TSST!"

.... what you guys didn't see that episode?
TheKitchenSink  - 1 year 27 days ago 
What the hell? Rez was NOT a "crap game." Sure, it wasn't GOTY or anything, but it certainly deserved its rating.
Cwf2008  - 11 months 13 days ago 
Hey grammertroll:
1) STFU
2) Fanboy
johnosoccerplayer  - 10 months 8 days ago 
All this internet violence! My mom worned me of internet bullying!
misfit119  - 10 months 5 days ago 
Also, as a long belated thought, if a site chooses to focus on just one genre, that's fine. But that doesn't mean that every single game that comes out in that woefully limited genre deserves high grades. The Nancy Drew games are HORRIBLE.

My teen cousin bought one and asked me to help and it was TERRIBLE. This from a fan of adventure games and point-and-click types. Also acting giddy as a schoolgirl over a game designed for young girls comes off as disingenuous anyways.
MeesesGlokmah  - 10 months 5 days ago 
Hey, not all of the DBZ games are crap. Most of them are, but not all. Budokai 3 and Tenkaichi 3 were pretty good. Third times the charm! It just takes them a couple games to work out the problems, which results in many mediocre games..
crossed23  - 10 months 5 days ago 
lol You guys rock here at gamesradar and its really expensive to sue nowadays, but just for the info you did kinda give Tomb Raider Underworld a 9, ummmmmmm shouldnt that be a 7 too.
lordofultima  - 10 months 5 days ago 
My Mom is 56 and she loves those adventure games, she happens to have most by the Adventure Game company, and all of the Nancy Drew games. It must have something compelling to her, so maybe you're just not cut out for those type of reviews.
infected123  - 2 months 8 days ago 
i think that reviewers should give multiple scores based for niche games. an overall score for normal gamers and a specialist score for how well it performs in that niche.
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