Invisible walls
We hereby declare that any game, no matter how good, will suffer a review point penalty if we find even a single invisible wall. The next-gen doesn't start until this preposterously lazy blight is eradicated.

Celebrity hangers-on
We don't care what alphabetically-assigned celeb list you're on. You're a gaming charlatan. You're here for the money. A nice little earner. You know jack shit about games, so don't even pretend. You love Halo 3 because the graphics are what? Get out of here and take your sycophantic entourage with you. You're a rent-a-face stain on the crusty gusset of humanity.

Jacky Thompson
Not since the batty Mary Whitehouse attempted to impose her own humourless moral values on TV and film in 1980's Britain has anyone appeared so out of touch with modern culture as attorney and rights activist Jack Thompson.

After campaigning against rap music and obscenity on radio, Jacky turned his attentions to violent videogames and has become a popular hate figure for legions of vitriolic gamers empowered by their ability to insult him profusely and anonymously via the medium of Internet forums.

Of course, the blatantly obvious paradox attached to Jacky's one man Christian conservative mission is that the more he sweats the issues, the more he gives free advertising to the games he's so frightened of.

Publishers taking over game franchises and ruining them
TimeSplitters 2 was sublime. TimeSplitters 3 brought a little bit of vomit up into the back of our throats.

Squad-based games
Come on. How often have you found yourself thinking "Wow, my AI squad really helped me through that level. I couldn't have done it without them. Go Team!"

Idiotic videogame store staff
You just want to get in, find the game, pay for it, and leave… but you can’t. No, first you have to deal with the jumped-up, smug, and ultimately moronic guy behind the counter who thinks he’s some kind of industry-insider game expert who we should all bow to because he’s got a special badge with his name on and gets to see release schedules a whole week in advance.

I don’t want to pre-order whatever piece of shit head office have told you to sell to the unsuspecting punters. And you can stick your store card right up your bargain bin. I will not be coming back.

Levelling up in RPGs
Yeah, because having a bad ass character at the start of the game would suck, obviously.

Not being able to use your own name as a Gamertag
We're not GamesRadar9535412, Ga_mesR.a.dar, GRadar, or any other permutation of our name that only serves to remind us that we're a small and inconsequential part of the world's uncountable population. Shouldn't there be a spurious law dictating that you can flog the person who got there first?