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50 skills that every gamer should master

It's not just about playing games

Words: Matt Cundy, GamesRadar UK

36. Know which elemental attack will be most effective against an enemy
Water>Fire. It's not exactly rocket surgery.

37. Master the art of reloading
Don't ever let your gun get caught with its pants down. It's humiliating.

38. To simultaneously perform other important life tasks while playing
Multi-tasking is the cornerstone of every real gamers' brain. You should be able to eat pizza, guzzle coffee, fill in a job application, build a house of cards AND successfully evade a six-star wanted level in GTA IV all at the same time.

39. Skip every cut-scene and still understand what's going on
No matter how convoluted the machinations and exposition, when it boils down to it you're basically just trying to beat the baddies.

40. Identify boss battle attack patterns in under 20 seconds
Lunge. Lunge. Guard. Burrow into ground/disappear/become temporarily invincible. Emerge from ground/reappear/stop being invincible. Charge special attack. Release special attack. Expose weak spot in a tactically foolish and totally unnecessary manner <Player strikes> Repeat until dead.

41. To know everything about the game without ever having to consult instruction manuals
Apart from a few semantics and trivialities, once you've read one instruction manual, you've pretty much read them all.

42. Argue effectively in a gaming Internet forum
At the most basic level this entails typing "HAVE YOU ACTUALLY PLAYED THE GAME!?" over and over and over until the foul dealer of scurrilous mistruths slinks away like the miserable dog that he is.

43. Well developed bladder control
You're not going to get to level 70 by taking a piss break every three hours.

44. Condense even the most convoluted control system into easy-to-manage verbal instructions
"Basically, move the sticks and press X"

45. Always know the best spots for camping
So you can root them out or dig in deep, depending on your mood.

46. Memorise important cheat codes for fast fingered employment at a moments notice
If you can't remember Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A then you weren't there.

47. Have at least one game that you are unbeatable at
Take the time to master a game. Play it with your eyes closed. Learn every pattern, every combo, every counter, every weak-spot. But don't brag about it. Just casually lure people into your virtual domain. Toy with them. Give them false hope. Maybe even let them win a couple of times and say something all humble and wimpy like: "Gee, you really got me. Well played." Then bring the real noise and let the shunting commence. Their humiliation will feel rudely satisfying.

48. Be like Rainman when converting Microsoft/Wii points
It's the ultimate geek party trick. If you can calculate that 190,608 Microsoft points is $2,381.65 without even flinching then you will get chicks. Believe us. Mental arithmetic makes ladies hot.

49. Read the back-of-box blurb and decipher it into 'What It Actually Means'
"State-of-the-art 3D environments and characters" = "We done some graphics". More here.

50. Know when NOT to talk about gaming
"Sure, as maps go if you've got a competent team together then Crossfire can be pretty badass, but Wetworks is off-the-hook when you're gunning solo. Oh yeah, sorry to hear about your entire family getting killed with the bird flu. Must be a real bummer. So... you wanna play some COD?"


 
2 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
Wizrai  - 1 year 2 months ago 
I failed 2 rules!
clownofdeath  - 7 months 5 days ago 
ha, only girls care if the controller is on fire
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